


Capable of Love

by Balthamos



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-22
Updated: 2012-11-10
Packaged: 2017-11-16 19:26:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 32,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/543016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Balthamos/pseuds/Balthamos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hunith has been Arthur’s nanny since he was born. She helped Uther raise him and stopped Uther from becoming cold and closed off after Ygraine died, instead he is a kind and caring father. When Arthur is three Hunith falls pregnant, and she has Merlin. Arthur and Merlin get along brilliantly after an initial hiccup, but as Merlin gets older the notice he’s different from the other children. He’s quiet, withdrawn and avoids touching, but Arthur doesn't care, Merlin is his best friend no matter what the doctors and adults say.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Unexpected News

Hunith was tired; in fact, she was downright exhausted. She had spent her morning chasing an excitable young Arthur all over the house; he was an energetic little boy most days but today was special, as his father would be returning from the city for the weekend. The worn out nanny secretly hoped he would get tired soon. 

She dared to close her eyes, just for a moment when Arthur ran up to her eagerly. He had just come back in from the garden and was looking very mucky. When he got closer, he slowed down and approached her almost shyly. He held out his hand, which contained a single yellow flower.

“Did you pick this for me Arthur?” Hunith asked.

He nodded and smiled at her.

“It’s to cheer you up because you seem sad,” he said worriedly.

“Oh thank you Arthur,” Hunith whispered, “but don’t worry I’m not sad, I’m just a little bit tired,” she said trying to reassure him.

“Well it’s nearly naptime, maybe you should have a nap too,” Arthur suggested.

“I think I will Arthur thank you,” she agreed taking his hand.

Hunith led him upstairs to his bedroom and after removing his muddy trousers, she tucked him into his bed. Arthur fell asleep quickly enough, so she sat down in the chair beside his bed and dozed off.

~

Later that evening as his car pulled up the long drive; Uther glanced out of the window, watching the rain. The man was finally home after a very long week in the city, and he was desperate to get inside the house to see his son. Noel, his driver, opened the car door and escorted Uther to the door under the cover of an umbrella to avoid the rain, which had not let up all week.

Uther stepped into the house and was instantly greeted by his valet George, who removed his coat easily. The hall was well lit and warm and Uther could feel the tension of the week melting away. However, the peaceful silence was broken as Arthur came hurtling down the hall, charging towards his father.

“Papa!” Arthur cried out excitedly.

Uther scooped the boy into his arms, beaming at him and ruffling his hair. Hunith came rushing into the hall, chasing after the little boy, clearly breathless. Uther’s smile faltered as he observed Hunith, the woman looked exhausted. Her face was pale and there were dark shadows under her eyes. She had been rather withdrawn since Balinor left last month, for reasons unexplained, but today she seemed much worse. He put Arthur down and stepped toward her.

“Hunith are you alright?” He asked concerned.

“Yes Sir, I’m just a little tired,” she said quietly.

Then she swayed and stumbled forward, Uther reached out just in time to catch her.

“You rest this evening Hunith, I’ll take care of this little monster,” he said picking Arthur up again.

“Yay!” Arthur squealed.

“Thank you sir,” Hunith said relieved, “goodnight Arthur.”

“’Night Hunith” he replied wriggling his fingers at her.

~

Later that night after Arthur was all tucked up in bed, Uther retired to his study. He had had a wonderful evening hearing all about Arthur’s many adventures that week. He chuckled to himself, and began to look through his paperwork; he was quite immersed in a lengthy merger when he heard a soft knock at the door.

“Enter,” he called out.

The door opened slowly and Hunith entered, Uther stood up at once.

“Hunith, how are you feeling?” He said gesturing for her to sit down.

“Better sir,” she said sitting down opposite him.

She began to wring her hands, clearly worried about something.

“Hunith, whatever is wrong?” Uther asked gently.

“I hate to do this to you sir, but I’m afraid I shall have to give you my notice,” she answered, sounding resigned.

“Why, what has happened?” Uther was worried now; he did not like the idea of anyone else looking after Arthur.

“I’m pregnant,” Hunith confessed softly, “I can’t stay here anymore,” she said with a heavy sigh.

“Ah I see. Do you have somewhere to go?” he asked sadly.

 

“I have a little money saved and there is a flat for rent in town” she replied.

“Well that is nonsense! I shan’t turf you out of this house, especially whilst you’re with child,” he said standing up and turning to face the window “you were Ygraine’s dearest friend,” he added quietly, “and you’re so good with Arthur. When he was born, I could not have coped without you. I won’t let you be alone through this,” he told her firmly.

“Sir I couldn’t possibly-”

“Please stay Hunith, I want you to,” he told her stopping her protests.

“Okay sir,” she agreed relief evident on her face.

“Who is the father? Is it Balinor?” Uther said a little coldly, his disapproval of the man who had broken Hunith’s heart clear in his voice.

“Yes, but he left before I found out,” she replied quickly, not wanting to cause more of a fuss.

“I know some people Hunith, I might be able to track him down for you,” he offered, sitting back down at his desk.

“I don’t think that would be wise sir,” she said, not wanting to get into any mess with Balinor.

“If you’re sure, you can certainly stay here though. Or if you’d rather, you can move into one of the cottages for more privacy,” he offered hoping she would refuse Uther enjoyed Hunith’s company.

“I should like to stay in the main house sir,” she responded knowing it was where she was needed.

“Splendid,” Uther replied cheerily, obviously pleased with her decision.

~

Eight months later Arthur and his father were standing outside Hunith’s bedroom door. She had gotten back from the hospital earlier that day and had been getting settled in again. Before they entered, Uther knelt down in front of his son.

“Now Arthur I hope you going to be nice to Hunith’s son,” he began carefully, “your behaviour of late has been rather out of character, don’t you agree?” he asked.

Arthur stomped his feet and huffed.

“Well I didn’t want Hunith to have a baby, she already has me.” Arthur snapped. “I shan’t be nice to him, he probably smells,” he finished crossly.

 

“Arthur are you jealous?” Uther asked the young boy.

“No! Um maybe, it’s just what if Hunith doesn’t like me anymore?” he asked quietly.

“Nonsense Arthur, come on let’s go meet him,” Uther said knocking on the door gently.

“Come in,” Hunith replied excitedly from inside the room.

Uther pushed the door open and led Arthur into the room; Hunith was sitting on the bed cradling the baby. Beside the bed was a little cot where the boy would be sleeping. Arthur walked cautiously toward the bed until he could see the baby clearly, he stared at it, it was so tiny and foreign to him.

“Hello Arthur, this is Merlin,” Hunith breathed looking proudly at her son with wonder.

Arthur frowned eying the baby warily, he was small and pale with red cheeks and jet black curly hair. The baby looked back at him with wide blue eyes and Arthur scowled.

“I don’t like you!” he yelled running out of the room.

“Oh dear,” whispered Hunith.

“Don’t worry he’s just jealous, he’ll come round,” Uther responded, “he won’t be able to resist this little angel,” he said cooing at the boy.

~

Uther found Arthur in the playroom, crashing his action figures around. He sat down on the sofa and waved Arthur over.

“Come here Arthur,” he said softly.

Arthur approached him carefully before Uther pulled him up onto his knee, ignoring his squirming.

“That was quite a tantrum Arthur, not really appropriate for a boy of four now was it?” Uther asked.

“I don’t like Merlin,” Arthur said crossly, throwing his action man down onto the floor.

“Well I can’t make you like him, but he is going to be living here so you’ll have to get used to him. Unless you want me to send Hunith away, and get you a new nursemaid?” Uther threatened.

“No! Please don’t do that, I’ll be nicer I promise,” Arthur begged.

“That’s a good boy,” Uther replied “Do try with Merlin, he hasn’t done anything wrong.”

~

Later that night, when everyone had retired for bed, Arthur snuck out of his bed and down to Hunith’s room. He checked she was sleeping then quietly approached Merlin’s cot. He stared through the bars at the baby, scowling slightly. Eventually Merlin opened his eyes and stared right back at Arthur. Arthur frowned and stuck his hand through the bars of the cot almost pulling back as Merlin grabbed for it.

“Your ears are rather large,” Arthur whispered, “but you’re ok I guess.”

They stayed that way, watching each other until they both fell asleep.

~

The next morning Hunith was surprised to find Arthur asleep beside Merlin’s cot, holding Merlin’s hand. She got out of bed slowly and leant over him, gently waking him up.

“Arthur sweetheart, why are you asleep on the floor?” She asked him.

Arthur yawned widely and rubbed his eyes, he looked at Hunith.

“I was saying sorry to Merlin,” he informed her.

“Oh Arthur, you’re such a good boy,” she said ruffling his hair.

Arthur turned away from her, looking back at Merlin.

“Why did you call him Merlin? It’s a strange name, is it because of the wizard?” He asked her.

“No actually, although it does match your name well doesn’t it?” She agreed, “no the name came to me a couple of months ago when I was sitting in the garden. A merlin bird came right up to the bench and watched me. I just thought, if it’s a boy, Merlin would be a good name,” she informed him.

“It is a good name,” Arthur agreed, “I like it, especially because it matches mine,” he replied smiling at Hunith.


	2. Merlin is Different

_3 years later._

Arthur had noticed something about Merlin; he was different from other children. He was very quiet; in fact, he had yet to speak at all. Arthur knew Hunith was worried about this because he had overheard her talking with his father about Merlin’s lack of speech.

However, this was not what worried Arthur; he didn’t mind that Merlin didn’t speak; he always knew what Merlin meant. What worried Arthur was Merlin’s response to touch. Arthur had always known to be gentle with Merlin because he was small and a little frail. Therefore, Arthur never pushed him about as he did his other friends but lately Merlin had been flinching away from him. He’d also stopped looking Arthur in the eye; preferring to stand to his side, Arthur tried his best to put it out of his mind.

The boys were playing in the drawing room; Hunith was with them, keeping an eye on them whilst reading a book. Merlin was quietly and carefully stacking his blocks while Arthur was stomping and crashing about the room, climbing over all the furniture and clearly pretending to trample an imaginary city. He stopped suddenly and turned to Merlin, Hunith looked up at the sudden quiet and watched Arthur approach her son. He sat down carefully opposite Merlin.

“Do you want to play Godzilla with me?” He asked hopefully.

Merlin shook his head not looking up from the blocks, Arthur picked up a block and tried to hand it to him but Merlin ignored it. Arthur watched him for a while and noticed the pattern Merlin was making. Slowly he stood up and sat back down at Merlin’s side to make him feel more comfortable, and then he picked up a red block and held it out. Merlin paused and watched Arthur’s hand for a moment before taking the block. Hunith sighed quietly and rose out of her chair.

“I’m going to speak to your father for a moment Arthur,” she said, “you boys play nicely.”

Merlin nodded but Arthur did not respond, too busy watching Merlin stacking the blocks. He knew not to touch the tower though, so as not to upset Merlin.

~

Merlin was aware his mother was worried about him, but he could not do anything to put her mind at rest. She wanted him to talk but the idea of interacting with people made him feel sick. He could no longer let his mother cuddle him as the touch made his skin itch. He found looking at people’s faces overwhelming and distracting, so he avoided their eyes. Merlin much preferred being by himself, making and observing patterns in things.

Merlin liked Arthur though, Arthur was patient with him and did not push him to talk or touch. Merlin liked it when Arthur sat with him, chattering away at him and not minding his silence. Merlin had noticed that he could get Arthur to understand him simply with looks and gestures; he had first picked up on this a week ago. They had been sitting in the playroom; Merlin had been making patterns on the wallpaper, half-listening to Arthur telling him about his upcoming birthday party.

“Will you be coming to the party Merlin?” Arthur had asked.

Merlin had turned to Arthur looking at his hands, not quite believing the question.

“Yeah there will be lots of other children, it might be a bit too noisy for you,” Arthur had agreed to his silence.

Merlin had just shrugged at him.

“Well of course I’m not mad at you,” Arthur had assured him, “I don’t want you to come to the party if it will make you uncomfortable,” he had said smiling at him.

Merlin had smiled back, staring at his hands instead of Arthur’s face, but it had felt like real conversation to him.

~

One week later, the Pendragon household was bustling in preparation for Arthur’s eighth birthday party. Arthur himself was running about the house excitedly making sure everything was ready for his big day, all his friends from school would be coming so he wanted it to be perfect. He ran out into the garden and saw a large bouncy castle, which he rushed towards but Uther stepped forward and grabbed him.

“Steady now young man not yet, your guests will be arriving soon. Are you ready?” He asked.

“Yup,” Arthur replied nodding enthusiastically.

“Well why don’t you go back inside and wait for you guests?” He suggested.

Arthur agreed and wandered back to the house slowly; he glanced up and saw Merlin watching him from the playroom window. He ran into the house and straight upstairs, bursting into the playroom.

“Boo!” He cried out.

Merlin did not jump but he did turn around smiling quietly at his shoes, he walked up to Arthur and held out a parcel to him.

“You got me a present?” Arthur asked happily.

Merlin nodded still looking at the floor; Arthur took the present from him and unwrapped it carefully. It was a new hardbound copy of _Wind in the Willows_ , Arthur’s favourite book. His old copy had fallen in the pool last summer, and he had felt too silly to ask for a new one.

“Oh Merlin it’s perfect,” he breathed flinging his arms around the younger boy.

Merlin stiffened and pulled away.

“Sorry Merlin, I didn’t mean to,” Arthur apologised, “I just wanted to say thanks, ok?” he asked worriedly.

Merlin nodded and they sat down together on the sofa and read the book until the guests arrived.

~

The party was in full swing now; children were running around the garden screaming and shouting, it made Merlin feel nauseated. His mother had made him come outside, refusing to let him stay in the house alone. He was currently sitting under a tree with Arthur’s book, looking at the pictures trying to block out the noise. He was so focussed on his task that he failed to notice another boy approaching him.

“Who are you?” The large boy demanded.

Merlin ignored him; he was engrossed in the book.

“I asked you a question,” the boy said crossly.

No one else had noticed the boy threatening Merlin, as there were far too many children to keep an eye on. The boy stepped closer to Merlin who looked up now as a shadow fell across the book, he stared at the large boy’s chest.

“Ha! Your ears are humongous, are you Dumbo?” the boy laughed cruelly and tugged at Merlin’s ears.

Merlin screamed and the boy let go backing away cautiously but Merlin kept screaming.  Arthur noticed and ran over.

“What did you do?” He roared.

He span the bully round and took a swing at his face, knocking him to the ground. Arthur prepared to launch at him but Uther, who had followed him to the source of the commotion, held him back.

“Arthur,” he warned and then he turned to the other boy, “go inside and clean yourself up Valiant, I shall call your parents.”

 

The bully ran off into the house, clutching his nose.

“Merlin please calm down,” Hunith begged.

She tried to calm him down but it was not working Merlin just kept screaming. Hunith panicked grabbed his shoulders and shook him gently, but Merlin struggled and cried trying to get away.

“No Hunith let him go, you mustn’t touch him,” Arthur said kneeling beside Merlin, “Merlin he’s gone, please stop screaming,” he pleaded.

Merlin stopped screaming but curled in on himself trembling silently.

“Merlin why don’t you go inside? Arthur do you want to get back to your friends?” Uther asked him.

“Merlin will come with me, no one else here will be mean to you don’t worry,” Arthur assured him.

Neither Hunith nor Uther expected Merlin to go with Arthur but he got up and followed Arthur to the crowd of other children. The two boys sat down together at the edge of the pool, where they stayed together for the rest of the party.

~

That night Hunith went to see Uther in his study.

“I think it’s time Merlin saw a doctor sir, his outburst today at the party was very worrying,” she told him, her voice filled with concern.

“Yes I must say I agree with you Hunith, I think that would be for the best. I’ve been doing some research and there is a rather esteemed child psychologist who works in the city, who would be willing to visit Merlin here,” he informed her.

“Thank you sir, hopefully he will be able to help,” she said worriedly.

“I’m sure he will Hunith, don’t worry everything will be alright,” Uther assured her.

“But he is so different Uther, he never hugs me anymore and he won’t let me touch him,” she said distressed.

“Let’s see what the doctor says shall we?” Uther said softly, trying to comfort her.

Hunith nodded.


	3. A Cruel Doctor

Arthur was worried; Dr Muirden had been coming to the house for several weeks and things had been going drastically downhill. The doctor was clearly upsetting Merlin; Arthur would go as far as saying the man was traumatising him. He was quieter than ever but no one else had noticed. Arthur realised he might be the only one privy to the little sounds and gestures Merlin usually made.

That night in the early hours of the morning, Arthur woke up suddenly. He was unsure what had woken him but for some reason he felt he needed to check on Merlin. He went to the boy’s room and was surprised to find it empty. He tried the playroom and the library but both were empty. Arthur started to worry that Merlin had run away when he saw a light coming from under the laundry room door. He pushed the door open to find Merlin curled up under the clean bed sheets.

“Oh Merlin,” he breathed, “what is he doing to you little bird?”

Arthur pulled the sheets off him slowly.

“Merlin you can’t sleep under these sheets, they’re still damp and you’ll get poorly,” he said trying to reason with Merlin.

Merlin did not move, not even to pull the sheets back from Arthur.

“Merlin come on, you need to go to bed, get up,” Arthur begged.

However, Merlin would not move, so Arthur stepped forward steeling himself to do something drastic. He leant over Merlin grabbing his shoulder gently but firmly, he shook Merlin and paused waiting for the screams. When he still got no response a cold sensation ran down his spine, and he shuddered. He stepped forward and pulled Merlin upright; the smaller boy did not struggle, simply allowing himself to be manhandled up to his room. He offered no resistance when Arthur pushed him gently onto the bed, and drew the bedcovers up around him, tucking him in tightly. Arthur pulled up a chair besides Merlin’s bed and sat down. Merlin stared at his shoulder, Arthur sighed quietly.

“Go to sleep Merlin,” he whispered.

Merlin resisted for all of ten minutes, before his eyes drifted closed and his breathing evened out. Satisfied Arthur stood up and headed to his room. Tomorrow something would have to give, he would have to sort this mess out if no one else would.

~

Arthur listened outside the playroom door; Merlin was in there with Dr Muirden, and had been for nearly an hour. Arthur strained to hear what the doctor was saying but the heavy wooden door blocked out the sounds.

“Arthur what are you doing?” Uther said behind him.

Arthur jumped and backed away from the door, shifting nervously from one foot to the other. He turned to face his father who was stood watching him, Hunith was standing beside him smiling weakly at Arthur. He looked at Hunith curiously, she looked terribly sad, which surprised Arthur. He wondered if maybe she had also noticed the changes in Merlin’s behaviour.

“Well?” Uther asked again.

“Nothing father,” Arthur replied.

Uther opened his mouth to say something but then the playroom door opened and Merlin came out with Dr Muirden. He looked distinctly unhappy.

“If I might have a word with you Hunith?” Muirden asked, “you might want to join me Mr Pendragon; I’d like to discuss some potential treatments for Merlin.”

The three adults went downstairs to Uther’s study, Arthur looked Merlin over worriedly; he looked so downtrodden. Arthur stood beside the smaller boy, chewing his lip.

“What do think he’s saying to them?” he wondered aloud.

“Probably that I’m a freak,” Merlin muttered looking Arthur in the eye but only for a second.

Arthur was so outraged that Merlin was being made to think himself a freak that the fact Merlin had spoken out loud did not even register. He stepped in front of Merlin.

“Did that evil doctor call you a freak?” He asked, his voice rising.

He reached out to Merlin’s shoulder, before pulling back at the last moment. Merlin nodded miserably. Arthur stormed downstairs; Merlin followed him, but stopped halfway down the stairs, feeling safer to listen at a distance. Arthur barged into his father’s study and the adults stopped talking at once, Uther stood up to chastise his son but Arthur did not give him the chance, he rounded on the doctor.

“How dare you call Merlin a freak? How exactly are you helping him? You’re making it worse!” he yelled then he turned to Hunith and Uther “Why do you keep trying to change him? He’s perfect exactly how he is, just leave him alone!” he shouted.

His steam finally ran out and he stopped, he felt like crying. He looked to the adults, expecting to be told off for his outburst but Hunith just smiled at him. Uther turned to the doctor.

“Is this true? Did you call the boy a freak?” he asked calmly.

“It may have slipped out but Mr Pendragon he was trying my patience. he is refusing to speak and I know he can, nothing I try works,” he replied.

“Trying your patience? Good grief man you’re a doctor,” Uther said shaking his head.

“Sir?” the doctor asked nervously.

“You are dismissed,” Uther said with an air of finality.

The doctor bundled up his things and left hurriedly, Uther turned to Hunith.

“Well it is quite clear to me that the most expensive doctors are not always the best. If you’re willing to give me another chance I may know of someone more appropriate,” he offered, “he’s an old friend who used to work at Great Ormond street. I think he would be interested in meeting Merlin,” he suggested.

Hunith nodded but before she could agree with him, Arthur interrupted.

“No. More. Doctors.” He said slowly.

“I’m sorry Arthur,” Hunith said pulling him onto her knee, “but Merlin needs a doctor, after all he can’t go through life with only you understanding him.”

Arthur frowned; he could not see a problem with that scenario.

“You know I’m right Arthur but perhaps it would be best if you sat in on these sessions, to make sure that this doctor is nicer to Merlin,” she suggested.

“Yes ok, I think that will work,” he agreed with authority.

Arthur hopped off Hunith’s knee and ran upstairs to tell Merlin the good news.

“Those two are going to be inseparable,” Uther said to Hunith chuckling, “I reckon if anyone can get Merlin to speak its Arthur.”

“Indeed sir, it’s like they already have their own language,” she agreed fondly.

~

Merlin had retreated upstairs when Dr Muirden left the study; he had watched the man leave muttering to himself about insolent children. He felt relieved that Arthur had rescued him. So he had gone back to the playroom, he’d pulled out his blocks and began to build.

That was how Arthur found him and he smiled, things were back to normal already.

“Merlin,” Arthur said quietly.

Merlin did not look up but he paused with a red block hovering over his tower. Arthur took this as an invitation, and sat down beside his friend

 

“Guess what? Father fired that smelly doctor,” he said informed him.

 

Merlin’s lips quirked and Arthur grinned wildly, because for Merlin a small smile counted as joyous laughter.

“You’re getting a new doctor,” Arthur said noticing Merlin tense “but don’t worry I’m coming to your sessions too,” he added hurriedly, “and if he’s mean to you I’ll punch him on the nose!” He yelled standing up and gesturing wildly.

However, he did not see Merlin looking up at him briefly, the hint of a smile still on his face. Arthur could not explain why it made him feel so happy, so he just revelled in the feeling.

~

It was not until much later that evening that Arthur realised he had missed something very important; he was tucked up in bed drifting off to sleep, when he sat bolt upright. He leapt out of bed, padded downstairs quietly, and tiptoed into Merlin’s room. Merlin was sitting up in bed, his bedside lamp was still on, and it looked as if he was tracing the pattern of his wallpaper. Arthur watched him for a bit; noticing the way his fingers twitched as he concentrated, before finally stepping forward.

“You spoke,” Arthur accused.

Merlin ignored him.

“Say something else!” Arthur demanded.

He still got nothing from Merlin. He sighed, realising he was facing Merlin; he decided to try a different approach. He climbed onto the bed and sat next to him. Merlin looked at Arthur’s profile for a second and then his eyes returned to the wall.

“Please talk to me,” Arthur said softly, keeping his eyes forward.

There was a long pause.

“Okay,” Merlin whispered

Arthur felt like jumping about the room with joy but he didn’t, after all, he didn’t want to scare Merlin and stop him talking when he’d only just started. Merlin did not say anything else and Arthur knew that each word from Merlin would still be rare, but he did not mind, he would treasure every word he got out of his small friend.

“I like it when you look at me Merlin,” Arthur said cautiously, “it makes me feel special.”

Merlin quirked his lips again and then hesitantly looked at Arthur, his eyes roving over Arthur’s face; he trembled and looked back to the wall, feeling a little overwhelmed. Arthur smiled and laid back on Merlin’s bed slowly drifting off to sleep.

 

“You’re not a freak Merlin, don’t let anyone tell you that,” he mumbled before succumbing to sleep.

Merlin stayed very still like a statue until Arthur’s breathing evened out. When he was sure that Arthur was sleeping, Merlin looked at him again; it was not as dizzying now that Arthur was asleep, his face still and his expression relaxed. Very cautiously, Merlin stretched out his hand and traced one finger over Arthur’s cheek. He snatched back his hand and stared at his finger. He touched Arthur’s cheek again, lingering for longer this time. Eventually he pulled back his hand again and wiggled his fingers, delighted that he was able touch Arthur without it hurting him. He sat that way for a long time before he finally fell asleep beside Arthur.


	4. Time for a Change

The boys got almost a month to themselves before Merlin’s new doctor would start treating him. During this time, Arthur and Merlin spent most of their time together. Important things were happening with Uther’s business, which meant he had been working very long hours in the city. To make up for his absence at home, when he finally returned home he brought with him lots of new toys. The gifts included a PlayStation, which Arthur quickly became addicted to. He spent hours hunting for treasure on Tomb Raider and nothing Hunith said could convince him to go outside and play in the sunshine.

The two boys had tried a multiplayer game but the noise and flashing images made Merlin feel unwell. So instead as a compromise Arthur played his game on mute and Merlin sat on the floor with his puzzles facing Arthur, his back to the television screen. Merlin’s favourite toy from Arthur’s new collection was the Simon game; he found repeating the pattern of the lights comforting.

They had been sat playing in a comfortable silence for over an hour when Arthur lost for the fifth time. He sighed and put down the controller, looking over at Merlin who was engrossed in the sequence of lights. Arthur watched him repeat the pattern, fascinated by Merlin’s quick moving fingers. He was astonished at the length of the pattern Merlin was able to repeat.

When he counted forty-nine lights he crawled forward to try and see Merlin’s face better, he wanted to see the look of concentration that Merlin got when doing puzzles. He sat opposite Merlin and continued to watch him.  About two thirds of the way through the pattern Merlin looked up at him quickly, an inquisitive look on his face.

“No Merlin, don’t look at me! You’ll lose track and you’ve gotten so far! You can beat it!” Arthur insisted.

Merlin grinned at him and then finished the sequence. He watched the lights flash again before looking back at Arthur for a second and then down at the floor.

“You can’t complete it,” he informed him.

“Fifty-six,” Arthur said.

Merlin raised his eyebrows.

“That’s fifty-six words you’ve said to me now, I’ve been counting,” Arthur told him.

Merlin looked up and actually stared at him for about ten seconds before looking down again.

“Are you going to talk to this new doctor when he comes?” Arthur asked.

Merlin shook his head.

“What about to Hunith?”

Merlin did not respond to this, thinking carefully.

“I know you want to, I see it sometimes, you look as if you’re about to speak and then something stops you.” Arthur said.

“I do want to, but… but… it’s too hard,” Merlin whispered.

“Maybe the doctor will be able to help,” Arthur suggested.

Merlin simply shrugged.

“Plus he won’t be mean because he’s an old friend of my father’s,” Arthur informed him, hoping to reassure his friend.

“Okay,” Merlin said nervously.

“You know, this was almost a full conversation Merlin,” Arthur said smiling at him.

“We’ve always had full conversations,” Merlin replied.

“Yeah that’s true, but usually I do all the talking,” Arthur teased.

Merlin did not seem to want to say anymore, so Arthur did not push him, instead he watched Merlin’s attention go back to the game. Arthur was astonished that Merlin could repeat the pattern he saw over ten minutes ago.

~

The next day it was time for Merlin’s first session with his new doctor, a man called Gaius. The whole unconventional family were sitting in the drawing room, even Uther, who had come home from the city a day early to catch up with his old friend. Arthur and Merlin were sat together on the small sofa. Arthur was fidgeting and swinging his legs, whereas Merlin was sitting very still, in fact the only time he moved was to glance at Arthur nervously, which he did every few minutes. Hunith, Uther and Dr Gaius, were sat in comfortable chairs watching the two boys. Gaius had spent the first twenty minutes of the appointment discussing Merlin’s behaviours and tendencies with Hunith. Arthur had listened at first but eventually had gotten bored and tuned them out; he sat there whispering to Merlin instead. He was just pointing out Gaius’ unusual hairdo, when the doctor finished with Hunith and turned his attention to them.

“So Merlin, your mother has told me that you have yet to speak,” Gaius said gently.

Arthur grinned at this but kept his mouth shut.

“But that is not something to worry about, when the time comes, I’m sure you’ll find your voice,” the doctor continued.

Arthur liked this new doctor already, he noticed Merlin smiling weakly at his knees.

“And do you like patterns and puzzles Merlin?” Gaius asked.

Merlin surprised everyone by nodding.

“I thought as much,” the man leant down and rummaged through his bag.

He pulled out a small cube covered with lots of coloured squares, which he handed to Merlin.

“Here this is a Rubik’s cube; you need to get each side to have only one colour. I’ve got lots more puzzle toys at my office which I’ll bring with me next time,” he offered.

Merlin took the cube began to twist the levels of the cube; turning them this way and that, Arthur watched him happily.

“It’s nice to meet you as well Arthur,” the doctor said turning to him, “may I ask you a question?”

Arthur nodded a little confused.

“Does Merlin ever speak to you?” he asked.

 

Arthur squirmed uncomfortably; he had not told anyone that Merlin had started speaking because he wanted it to be their secret.

“It is important for Merlin that you’re honest with me Arthur,” Gaius pushed.

Arthur sighed.

“Yes Merlin has spoken to me,” he confessed.

Uther looked surprised at this revelation but Hunith nodded as if she expected this.

“But… um we were already able to speak to each other before Merlin could talk, so it’s not really any different,” Arthur tried to explain.

Hunith spoke up to help him.

“Arthur always talks to Merlin as if it’s a two sided conversation but I don’t think he’s making it up, it’s as if he knows what Merlin’s reply would be if he could talk. I always knew that if my boy ever spoke it would be to Arthur,” she explained.

“Well it’s apparent to me that you are a very perceptive young man Arthur, and Merlin you must trust him very much,” Gaius said pleasantly.

Merlin did not respond he was too focussed on the cube.

“He looks at me as well,” Arthur said proudly, before clapping his hand over his mouth.

That was something else he had wanted to keep secret.

“I see,” Gaius said, turning to Hunith and Uther, “I think it would be best if I observe the two boys playing in their natural environment.”

“Ah well the three of you best go up to the playroom then,” Uther suggested.

Upstairs in the playroom, Gaius sat in the corner watching the two boys, making notes on a clipboard. At first, Arthur had tried to get Merlin to play loud stomping games to try and convince Gaius that Merlin was just like a normal boy. As much as he liked Gaius, a small part of him worried that the man would try to take Merlin away from him.

However, Arthur couldn’t stand making Merlin uncomfortable so he gave it up quickly, instead fetching a jigsaw puzzle out of the toy box and handing it over to Merlin. Arthur cleared the desk and Merlin emptied the box out. He started sorting the pieces but slowly making sure that Arthur was keeping up. Once Arthur saw that he was collecting the edge pieces he joined in, looking to Merlin for approval every now and then, always getting a quick nod of confirmation.

Gaius observed them carefully, scribbling away. Eventually he got up and left the room quietly, the boys did not even notice him go. He went downstairs and found Hunith in the kitchen preparing dinner.

“Please sit down Hunith,” he said pulling up a chair at the kitchen table, “I have observed Merlin’s behaviour carefully and he requires some more tests but I believe I can make a preliminary diagnosis,” he stated.

“Please tell me,” Hunith whispered.

“I believe Merlin is showing signs of Asperger’s-”

“Oh my goodness, no! That’s autism isn’t it? Oh no! Is he going to get worse?” she cried, running her fingers through her hair desperately.

“Calm down Hunith. On the contrary, while Asperger’s syndrome does lie on the autistic spectrum, it is not as debilitating as other forms.” Gaius paused taking Hunith’s hand, “Asperger’s syndrome can make childhood difficult, but with the proper behavioural therapy I believe Merlin can lead a reasonably normal life, I mean just look at his relationship with Arthur. It is actually very rare for children with Asperger’s to form such strong relationships at an early age,” he informed her.

“That’ll be Arthur’s influence as well” she replied.

“Yes I can quite easily believe that, he’s an interesting young man. He’s very protective of Merlin isn’t he?” he asked.

“Ever since Merlin was a baby,” she told him.

Gaius nodded.

“It will be ok Hunith, Merlin will be fine, I promise you,” he reassured her.

~

Later that month after extensive testing and monitoring Merlin was officially diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome. Regular behavioural therapy sessions were set up with Gaius, to help develop his social skills. When Hunith told Arthur about Merlin’s condition, he just shrugged it off.

“Merlin doesn’t have Asperger’s syndrome, he has Merlin syndrome,” he said giggling but then looked at her seriously, “I think he’s going to talk to you soon,” he stated.

“What makes you say that, Arthur?” she asked looking at him hopefully.

Arthur shrugged; it was something he could not explain.

“I just do, Merlin was always going to talk to you when he was ready, and I think that will be soon.”

Hunith smiled at him, pulling him in for a hug.

“You’re such a good boy Arthur,” she said softly.

Arthur squeezed her back tightly, hugging her for both him and Merlin.

~

That summer Arthur got a tutor; to prepare him for school, he was starting boarding school in the autumn. He strongly disliked Nimueh for not only was she strict and mean but the time he had to spend with her ate away at the time he had left with Merlin. Even when she was not there she expected him to do homework, it was simply outrageous. They were together in the playroom; Merlin was doing another jigsaw puzzle, quite oblivious to Arthurs struggles with his mathematics. Finally Arthur snapped.

“It’s too hard!” he shouted slamming the book down.

Merlin looked up in surprise, and wandered over to him.

“Show me,” he said.

Merlin had been talking a lot more now thanks to his sessions with Gaius, although he was still very quiet compared to Arthur. His newfound confidence to speak was a good thing really but Arthur could not help feeling jealous when Merlin spoke to Gaius or Hunith. He had even spoken to his father once and Uther had looked simply delighted at Merlin’s shy hello. That evening Arthur had scowled at him all through dinner but Uther was not fazed by his son’s sudden hostility and had simply responded by ruffling his hair.

Arthur turned the book towards Merlin.

“Can you read numbers?” He asked.

“Yeah, Gaius is teaching me” he scanned the page “Here”

He took the pencil from Arthur and started filling in the answers, Arthur was so astonished that he did not stop Merlin when he turned the page continuing through the small exercise book. Merlin was so focussed just like with his blocks and puzzles. Arthur realised that this was quite important so finally he intervened.

“Stop Merlin, I only had to do the first ten questions,” he said taking the pencil from Merlin, “I think we need to go speak to my father” he told him.

“What? Why? I didn’t mean to do so much, I’m sorry,” he said worriedly.

“No it’s not about that, come on,” Arthur insisted.

They went downstairs and Arthur knocked on the door of the study, he could hear voices inside.

“Enter,” his father called out.

Arthur went in pulling Merlin behind him, by his sleeve. Gaius was also in the room, sitting at his father’s desk.

“Is everything alright son?” His father asked.

Arthur answered by placing the book on his father’s desk.

“You’ve done your homework? Hmm, it seems like rather a lot,” Uther observed.

“Merlin did it,” Arthur told him.

“Now Arthur this is your homework, you shouldn’t make Merlin do it for you,” Uther said accusingly.

Arthur rolled his eyes.

“Father Merlin did it, all of it,” he said gesturing at the vast amount of sums scrawled across the page, “in about five minutes.”

“I see,” his father said picking up the papers and scanning through them, “it’s all correct,” he said eventually.

He looked at Gaius.

“It’s quite normal, sir. To Merlin it’s just another puzzle,” the man explained.

“But this stuff is advanced even for Arthur,” Uther replied.

Arthur frowned at this statement but Uther missed it looking back at the papers thoughtfully.

“Merlin come here,” he said gently.

Merlin stepped up to the desk nervously.

“Merlin would you like to go to school?” Uther asked.

“Uther that might not be the best idea,” Gaius informed him.

“Nonsense Gaius, I obviously don’t mean a public school,” he turned to Merlin expecting an answer.

Merlin just shifted nervously

“There are special schools for gifted children like you, I think you would like it. It’s clear to me that you need some sort of mental stimulation.” Uther suggested.

Arthur beamed at his father for his choice of words. Merlin looked to Arthur quickly, then back at his feet, nodding.

“Yes please, I would like that very much,” he said quietly.

“Excellent,” Uther looked thrilled at getting so many words out of Merlin. “I’ll speak to Hunith, I’m sure we can sort something out.”

“I do actually know of a place,” Gaius offered.

“Well that’s settled then,” Uther smiled at the boys, “Homework Arthur, no cheating!”

“C’mon,” Arthur muttered pulling Merlin out of the room.

Gaius looked at Uther.

“I was amazed that Merlin lets Arthur pull him about so much, that’s quite unusual. But then I noticed how Arthur pulls Merlin’s sleeves not his wrists, he’s very gentle with Merlin isn’t he?” Gaius asked.

“Oh yes, he cares a great deal for him,” Uther replied smiling.

~

After that, Merlin joined Arthur for his tutorials with Nimueh. Arthur was learning all the regular academic subjects but Merlin was allowed to focus on maths, as it was his strong suit. Nimueh was extremely impressed with Merlin’s abilities, and focussed more of her attentions on the younger boy. Arthur did not mind though, it took the heat off him and he was just as impressed with Merlin’s talents. Sharing tutorials meant they had more time together; although Nimueh tried to stop them talking and make them concentrate but it was an impossible task as they could easily communicate with tiny gestures.

Merlin always flew through the maths exercises Nimueh set him but Arthur had a lot more trouble with it. Merlin always explained it to him once Nimueh left; he refused point blank to speak to Nimueh, even though she was nice to him. Merlin was very good at helping him understand the maths, it was almost as if he could see it how Arthur saw it and then correct the mistakes he was making.

Their summer continued in this fashion and by the time September rolled around Arthur felt confident that he would be one of the smartest boys at his school.

 


	5. New Boys at School

Eventually the summer ended, and September arrived. It was Arthur’s final day at home, tomorrow he would leave for boarding school. All his things were already packed, so the day was his. He rose early that morning to find Merlin curled up at the foot of his bed

“Merlin?” he asked, a little worried.

Merlin woke up and looked at him sleepily, yawning widely.

“Are you ok?” Arthur asked him, concerned as to why Merlin was in his room.

“Mmm, couldn’t sleep,” Merlin replied.

“Scared about school?” Arthur asked.

“Not really…I just umm… I’ll miss you when you go,” he told him quietly.

Arthur sighed, it was going to be so hard to leave, he was excited to start his new school but part of him wished he could just stay at home with his friend.

“Right then, we’ll spend the whole day together, every minute, what do you want to do?” Arthur asked.

Merlin was quiet for a few moments, thinking.

“We always do what I want to do Arthur, you’re the one leaving, what do you want to?” he asked finally.

Arthur was speechless, Merlin’s offer had taken him by complete surprise.

“Why don’t we do something outside for once?” Merlin suggested.

“Um ok, will that be ok for you?” Arthur asked him.

“Yes Arthur, I have been outside before,” Merlin replied giggling at him.

Arthur smiled back.

“Ok then, well let’s go up to the woods and have a picnic, and we can climb trees and swim in the river.”

Once Hunith had packed them a generous picnic, they set off for the woods. Merlin could not ride a bike so Hunith had to drive them the short distance but she left them there informing them she would be back in the early evening to pick them up. Arthur jumped out of the car, dragging the picnic basket with him. Merlin stepped out more cautiously, he rarely ventured further than the large garden of the house because he found all the sights and sounds overwhelming. He stopped because he started feeling dizzy, he covered his ears to block out the noise, Arthur noticed and turned back.

“Hey Merlin, s’ok just focus on me, come on,” Arthur said gently.

He pushed his way slowly through the trees until they reached a clearing and then he began to lay out the picnic. When it was done, he gestured for Merlin to sit down. As he sat beside down him; Merlin removed his hands from his ears, it was much quieter in the clearing, it was darker too, he grinned at Arthur.

“That’s better little bird,” Arthur said smiling back at him.

“I’m not a bird,” Merlin argued.

“Well you are little,” Arthur responded, “plus you are a bird, a merlin is a bird.”

“Oh,” replied Merlin doubtfully.

“It really is you know, we can ask your mum when we get back if you don’t believe me,” Arthur insisted.

“Nah I believe you,” Merlin said laughing.

“And so you should, I am your elder after all. Do you want to climb that cool looking tree?” he asked pointing to a very old and gnarled looking oak tree.

“Um no, but I’ll watch,” Merlin replied.

Arthur scampered off and up the tree like a squirrel, when he got higher Merlin could no longer watch afraid his friend would fall so he covered his eyes. However, he need not have worried, Arthur was a rather good climber. Eventually he got bored and came back down, and together they ventured toward the river. Arthur stripped down to his underwear and dived straight in. Merlin feeling particularly brave took off his shoes and socks, rolled up his trousers and stepped into the water. He gasped at the cold, but stepped a little further in. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the feeling of the water lapping gently around his ankles. Arthur stopped splashing around in the water and watched him carefully. Merlin was stood very still his arms at his sides and his palms facing forward, at that moment Arthur thought Merlin’s name rather apt, for he looked like a bird about to take flight.

After a while, they got hungry and wandered back to the clearing. They lay down on the blanket and proceeded to stuff their faces with sandwiches and cakes. When they were too full to move Arthur reached into his backpack and pulled out the _Wind in the Willows._

“The Mole had been working very hard all the morning, spring- cleaning his little home.” Arthur began, “First with brooms, then with dusters; then on ladders and steps and chairs…”

Merlin smiled and closed his eyes, listening intently to the story, Arthur carried on reading until Merlin’s breathing evened out and he drifted off to sleep. He stopped and closed the book quietly laying down beside his friend, as close to him as he dared and closing his eyes.

When Hunith discovered them like this much later on, she woke them gently. Merlin stood up and stretched, but Arthur shocked that the day was over so quickly, began to cry.

“Please don’t cry Arthur, that was the best day ever,” Merlin pleaded.

“I didn’t want it to end so quickly,” Arthur replied but he smiled back at him through his tears, it had been a rather perfect day.

~

Arthur’s school was one of the top preparatory schools in the country; it was where his father had been educated, and his father before him. Arthur was excited to do his father proud. After a slow start, he had come along in leaps and bounds with his summer tutoring and once he had gotten Merlin to help him rather than do it for him there was no stopping him. Arthur was certainly not too proud to ask his friend for help, even if Merlin was half his age.

When Arthur arrived at the school, he was put with the rest of the first years in his house. They looked as nervous as he felt. Eventually they were shown to their dormitory, which was a long drab room filled with cot like beds. Arthur felt a wave of homesickness wash over him, he missed his room at home.

The housemaster informed them that they had an hour’s free time to explore the school, after which they were expected at dinner. Arthur introduced himself to two other rather timid looking boys, Timothy and Alfred, together they decide to go explore the orchard. They had been out there for a while when they heard a scream, and Arthur being the brave sort ran to find the source at once.

What he discovered was two very large boys holding a tiny first year up against a tree. This particular first year’s uniform looked very second hand and well worn, making it obvious he had gotten into the school on a scholarship. The bullies had picked up on this quickly, and had made him their target.

“I think you should let him go,” Arthur piped up nervously.

The bullies dropped the boy at once and rounded on Arthur, their victim ran off toward the school building. Timothy and Alfred also crept away leaving Arthur alone with the bullies.

“Oh you do, do you? And we should do as you think because?” the larger of the two asked coldly.

“I just um… think you shouldn’t…um pick on people that’s all…” Arthur stuttered, terrified at what was going to happen next.

“Well if it upsets blondie here, we had better leave the pauper alone,” the large boy said to his friend.

“Yeah I guess we should, its lucky blondie has volunteered in his place, huh?” The shorter bully replied.

“Indeed it is.”

Arthur tried to back away but the short, stout boy punched him hard in the stomach. Arthur fell to his knees, his eyes watering in pain, gasping for breath. The taller boy dragged him up and pushed him against the tree, holding him still for his friend to repeatedly hit him. Then they forced him to his knees, and the large boy got out a marker pen and wrote BLONDIE across his forehead. They shoved him down and walked off cackling to themselves. The taller boy turned back.

“Don’t bother telling a teacher on us, we’ll make your life even worse if you do,” he hissed.

Arthur was left alone. He sat by the tree for a long time, until night fell before he slipped into the dormitory. He snuck into the small bathroom and scrubbed at his forehead until it was clean but very red. Then he crept into bed, curled up under his covers, and finally allowed silent tears to fall.

~

Merlin’s school was very different to Arthur’s. It was a specialist school catering for autistic children, with varying severities of the condition. Merlin was the youngest child there by two years, but he was easily the highest functioning. He was placed in a small class of 6 and 7 year olds who spent their time playing with toys.

It was not what he expected at all, after all he could play at home, he wanted to learn.  He looked around the room, which was messy and noisy and made him feel sick but he spotted a bookshelf, it was full of children’s books, which would have to do. He went over and took the first book from the shelf, found a reasonably quiet corner, and began to read, shutting out the rest of the room. The teachers did not intentionally ignore Merlin but they had so much to manage with the other children and he was so quiet in his corner that eventually he was forgotten.

Merlin finished all the books in his classroom within two weeks; he informed his teacher who tiredly sent him to the small school library. He entered the tiny room, which was crammed full of worn and obviously second-hand books. The room seemed forgotten about a bit like him. Merlin never went back to the classroom that day, instead opting to read in the library, no one disturbed him there.

It went on like this for a while, Merlin would go to his classroom when he first arrived for the day and then make his way to the library, where he would spend the school day losing himself in the books. He much preferred the non-fiction books, attempting to learn as much new information as he could.

Merlin was also still having sessions with Gaius twice a week after school. He did not dare mention to Gaius that he did not like his school though; he did not want to anger him. Gaius seemed pleased with Merlin’s progress, he was much more comfortable holding conversations, and when prompted was willing to make eye contact for a few seconds.

One day during their session Gaius decided to do something a little different. They had been discussing what Merlin had learnt about volcanoes that day, and Gaius was impressed at how the young boy recalled the facts with ease and in such detail. He stopped Merlin, who was informing him about lava formation.

“Do you miss Arthur, Merlin?” He asked.

Merlin immediately stopped talking and his expression became closed.

“I’m only asking because he’s been away at school for a month now and you haven’t mentioned him. I know that change is difficult for you Merlin, and you must miss his company,” Gaius pushed gently.

Merlin looked up at Gaius.

“No, I just miss Arthur,” he said frowning.

“Well that’s good Merlin.” Gaius assured him.

“No it’s not.” he huffed.

“Well why don’t you write him a letter? You can let him know that you’re missing him, it might make you feel better,” Gaius suggested.

Merlin thought this was a brilliant idea, and set to it right away.

~

Arthur was having a terrible time at his school. Hardy and Johnson, the boys from the first day, and their big brutish friends were making his life miserable. They pushed him around and manhandled him, often punching and kicking him. Once Johnson twisted his arm so hard he thought it would break.

Arthur’s schoolwork was slipping drastically because Hardy kept stealing it and ripping it to shreds. However, the worst thing was that Arthur was unable to make friends because everyone avoided him too scared of the bullies. Arthur was so lonely it made him ache.

One morning he was sitting alone at breakfast when the post boy approached him.

“You’ve got a letter Pendragon,” he said handing it over to him.

Arthur took it hopefully, he had had several letters from his father and even one from Hunith. He tore it open excitedly and gasped, it was from Merlin.

_Dear Arthur,_

_I hope you’re having a super time at your posh school. I’ve been reading the Famous Five at school; they all go to boarding school, is it like that? Oh you probably haven’t read the Famous Five, it’s quite childish but I like it, it’s about four posh kids, like you, who go on adventures during their summer holidays. They solve crimes and find treasures and things like that. Have you made any friends who want to solve crimes with you?_

_Ok I’m rambling a little, I doubt your school is anything like the Famous Five; it is set about 80 years ago. My school is dead boring the teachers are rushed off their feet taking care of the other children, so I just hide in the library and read. I’m worried that I’m going to run out of books soon though._

_Anyway the reason I’m writing is just to let you know I really miss you. It’s quiet here without you, but then you are ridiculously loud. I’m sure you’re having loads of fun though, you’ve probably forgotten all about us, too busy with your new friends that are as loud and boisterous as you. Boisterous is a good word I read it in a book, it describes you well don’t you think? Anyway I guess I’ll see you at Christmas._

_Love_

_Merlin_

_xxx_

_P.S. Mum said to put x’s after my name, because they mean kisses, I dunno if that’s true but I put them anyway.  If mum’s having me on just ignore them._

_P.P.S. don’t feel like you have to write back if you’re too busy, but if you get a chance it would be great to hear from you_.

Arthur reread the letter three times. He was reading it again for the fourth time, when Johnson came up behind him, and snatched the letter out of his hands.

“Who’s this from? Your mummy?” he teased.

“Give it back,” Arthur demanded.

However, the larger boy stepped back, holding the letter away from him.  He read it laughing, Arthur was fuming he tried again to reach the letter. The hall was silent now, watching the two boys struggling.

“Who is Merlin, your boyfriend?” Johnson looked back at the letter, “honestly he writes like a retard.”

Arthur saw red. He kicked the older boy in the shins, and when he bent down gasping for breath, he elbowed him in the face, snatching the letter from him.

“Merlin is not a retard, he’s smarter than you! Than any of you!” He shouted and he stormed about of the hall.

He decided to take a leaf out of Merlin’s book and went to hide in the library. The library at Arthur’s school was much grander than the one at Merlin’s with hundreds of shelves of books. It reminded him of the library at home and he suddenly felt safe. He found a desk at the back of the room out, of sight of anyone who might come in. He sat down and began his response to Merlin.

~

 Two days later when Merlin arrived home from school, his mother ambushed him.

“A letter came for you today, sweetheart” she informed him smiling.

“From Arthur?” he asked hopefully.

“I think so, but I didn’t open it,” she replied.

“Thanks Mum” he said taking the letter from her carefully.

He ran upstairs to the playroom, closing the door behind him. He sat down on the window box and carefully tore open the envelope.

_Dear Merlin,_

_School is fine but it isn’t anything like the Famous Five, which I have read by the way. How can you say its childish? You’re five years old, your mother has to help you write letters, honestly. I haven’t been on any adventures nor have I solved any crimes. But there is still time I guess._

_I’m sorry to hear that you’re finding school boring; maybe you should speak to Gaius. Don’t worry about running out of books there’s thousands in the library at home. You are allowed in there you know, help yourself to any of the books, father won’t mind. In fact I know there are a few books on maths that you would probably like._

_By the way I am not boisterous; I am a perfectly pleasant little boy. Just like Julian, Ha! I hope you got that reference. I miss you too, terribly. And don’t worry I’ll be extra loud when I come home, you’ll be fed up of me in minutes. See you at Christmas, I’m counting down the days._

_Love_

_Arthur_

_xxxxxxx_

_P.S. Yes the x’s are kisses, and see I gave you more._

Merlin folded the letter back up carefully; he went to his bedroom and tucked the letter under his pillow. Merlin was a little worried that Arthur had not mentioned he was having fun, or said anything about making new friends. He could read Arthur as well as Arthur could read him now and knew that he was avoiding Merlin’s questions, something was terribly wrong.

However, there was nothing he could do whilst Arthur was away, it would have to wait until Christmas. Whatever was happening Merlin was certain of one thing, Arthur was sad, and that made him ache. He pulled out the letter again and stared at it, his fingers tracing over Arthur’s neat handwriting.

The rest of the term continued in the same fashion. The bullies laid off Arthur a little after his outburst in the hall. They still teased him and pushed him around but they no longer hit him, Johnson did not seem to want to risk his nose again. Merlin and Arthur kept writing to each other throughout the term, it was the only thing that stopped Arthur going mad with loneliness.


	6. Hugs and Revelations

Eventually term ended and Arthur was so relieved he could cry, he would be safe again, if only for four weeks. He was overjoyed as he pulled up to the house; he stepped out of the car and looked around, the grounds were covered with snow it was beautiful and it was home. He almost forgot his troubles as he ran into Hunith’s waiting arms.

“Oh my goodness Arthur you’ve grown” she said fussing around him, “Come in, come in and let’s get you warmed up”

Arthur let himself be led into the kitchen; Hunith sat him down and presented him a large plate of fresh mince pies. He tucked in gladly.

“Where’s Merlin?” he asked with his mouth full, spraying crumbs everywhere.

Hunith chuckled at him.

“He’s still at school dear, he doesn’t break up for another few days, you could come with me to pick him up, if you’d like?” She offered.

Arthur nodded enthusiastically, jumping out of his chair.

“Yes please, let’s go!” he said excitedly.

“Not yet Arthur its only midday, go and play and I’ll fetch you when it’s time to go” Hunith smiled.

~

Merlin slid into the car quietly but stopped dead when he noticed Arthur was there.

“Arthur you’re back,” he breathed looking at Arthur’s hands.

“Hello little bird,” Arthur replied softly

Merlin looked up at him and smiled.

“I missed you,” he whispered.

“I missed you to, Merlin, you have no idea” Arthur said quietly.

~

Eventually school finished for Merlin as well and the two boys soon fell into their old rhythm, it was as if Arthur had never left. One night after dinner, they were in the playroom. Arthur was playing on his Gameboy and Merlin was reading when he stopped suddenly and went up to Arthur.

“Can I show you something?” he asked.

“Yeah?” Arthur  replied curiously.

“There’s a boy at my school, who’s kinda like me but a lot worse. He doesn’t like touching either but he has a special way of hugging his mum, can I show you?” Merlin asked cautiously.

“Yes,” Arthur agreed excitedly, the idea of a hug from Merlin almost too much for him.

“Hold out your hand,” Merlin told him.

 Arthur did as he was told.

“Spread out your fingers.”

Arthur did, Merlin held his hand out in the same fashion and then slowly interlaced their fingers. Arthur gasped, Merlin trembled a little but he didn’t pull away.

“Does it hurt?” Arthur asked gently.

“No,” he paused, “A little but its ok.”

They stayed like this for a long time, until Merlin broke the silence.

“Why are you sad Arthur?” he asked.

Arthur’s expression shuttered closed and tried to pull away, but Merlin tightened his grip.

“I’m not sad, really Merlin I’m fine,” Arthur argued.

“No you’re just pretending to be fine, but I know you’re upset. It’s your school isn’t it? Are the posh boys mean to you?” Merlin asked.

Arthur nodded and the tears began to fall.

“They’re so cruel Merlin, I hate it there, and I don’t want to ever go back,” he cried clinging to Merlin’s hand like a lifeline.

Merlin took Arthur’s other hand in the same fashion, and held on until Arthur stopped crying.

“You need to talk to your father Arthur,” Merlin suggested.

Arthur snatched his hands away, Merlin winced.

“I can’t,” he whispered.

“Arthur,” Merlin begged.

“I’m going to bed,” he said standing up, “I’m sorry Merlin” he said turning back briefly, before leaving the room.

Merlin watched him go. He sat in the playroom for over an hour staring at his hands, before he summoned up the courage to sort things out. Eventually he found himself outside Uther’s study, before his bravery failed him. He stood there fists clenched willing himself to knock on the door, when it opened and he was almost knocked down by Uther.

“Goodness Merlin, you’re up late. Did you want to speak to me?” he asked.

Merlin nodded nervously.

“Well by all means come in then,” he said stepping aside and waving Merlin into the room, but Merlin tried to back away.

“I don’t bite you know,” he smiled at Merlin, “would you perhaps be more comfortable talking somewhere else? Maybe the playroom?” He suggested.

Merlin nodded more enthusiastically, and led Uther up the staircase.

“Are you sure I’m allowed in Merlin, I won’t be flung out by your adult repellent wards?” Uther teased.

Merlin giggled.

“Good grief,” Uther exclaimed surveying the state of the room, “Arthur’s only been back a week.”

He sat down on the small settee and Merlin joined him. Uther patiently waited for him to begin.

“Arthur is unhappy at his new school,” he said finally.

“What makes you say that? He seemed perfectly excitable telling me about his first term during dinner this evening.” Uther replied.

“He’s pretending, he hasn’t made any friends, and he’s been bullied, and he’s really scared.” He informed him.

“And he’s told you this?”

Merlin shook his head sadly.

“So what exactly are you basing it on?” Uther asked.

Merlin pulled out Arthur’s letters, from his pocket and handed them over. Uther read them and looked back to Merlin.

“I can’t see anything out of the ordinary here,” he said.

“But... but... it’s... he isn’t… there’s…” Merlin’s speech failed him.

“Easy Merlin, I am not dismissing your opinion, after all I believe you know Arthur better than any of us. Take a breath and explain what I’m clearly missing here.”

Merlin took three deep breaths before continuing.

“He was so excited to go, he talked about it nonstop. But all of his letters talk of coming home; he never mentions any of the other boys at the school.” Merlin reasoned.

Uther watched him for a few moments.

 

“You’re very perceptive Merlin. I will talk to Arthur and get to the bottom of this. I suppose he asked you not to say anything?” Uther asked.

Merlin shook his head.

“I don’t think he thought I’d dare,” he replied.

“Your bravery is a testament to how much you care for my son. Although I do wish you weren’t so scared of me, I’m not a monster honest. Shall we go speak to Arthur now?” he asked.

 

“He went to bed; I think he’s mad at me” Merlin said sadly.

“Nonsense, Arthur would never be mad at you. This needs to be sorted as quickly as possible, I shall probably have to telephone the school in the morning and make enquiries.”

Uther stood up and Merlin followed him to Arthur’s room. Uther knocked on the door and called out.

“Arthur may I come in?”

“Of course father,” came Arthur’s response.

The door opened and Arthur stood in front of them in his Spiderman pyjamas. He looked at Merlin accusingly, Merlin trembled. Uther strode into the room.

“Now Arthur, Merlin here is under the impression that you are not having a pleasant time at school.”

Arthur glared at Merlin, something that he’d never done before and Merlin gasped in shock, his eyes began to water. Arthur immediately felt guilty.

 

“No, do not be cross with Merlin, it was extremely difficult for him to speak up on the matter as I’m sure you can imagine.” Uther warned.

Arthur nodded.

“So, what is going on at the school?” Uther asked.

Arthur took a deep breath and began, he told his father of the months of abuse he had suffered at the hands of the bullies. How afraid and lonely he had felt, how the letters from home, especially Merlin’s were all that kept him sane. He told them of the bruises and sprains. How his uniform had been damaged and his schoolwork destroyed. Then he told his father how he’d informed the housemaster and been dismissed, Uther was furious.

“It is clear to me that Kings’ has gone downhill since I attended. Bullying was never tolerated when I was a boy, well it was a little but not to this extent. This is not older boys toughening you up; no this will not do at all,” Uther said shaking his head, “I’m pulling you out of that place; I shall find you a more appropriate school. In fact I think it might be a good idea if you went to school with Leon, I know you think he’s boring but he’d keep an eye on you. The Albion Academy is a very respectable school after all. Is this agreeable with you?”

“Um… yes father” Arthur paused “I really don’t have to go back?”

“Certainly not, I shall not have my son attend such a horrid institution. Well if everything’s settled I think it’s time you boys were in bed don’t you?”

Merlin made to follow Uther out of the room, he didn’t look back at Arthur, terrified his friend was mad at him. The thought of Arthur being angry with him made him feel, very unwell, he just wanted to go and hide.

“Wait,” Arthur said stopping them.

Uther turned back.

“Merlin hates his school too,” Arthur told him.

“I see” he turned to Merlin “Is this true? Be honest.”

Merlin hesitated.

“I don’t think you’re enjoying it are you? Your mother has also expressed her concerns,” Uther told him.

“It’s just not what I expected I suppose” Merlin replied quietly.

“What did you expect?” Uther asked him.

“Well in books school is all about learning new things, but all everyone does is play with toys,” Merlin said pulling a face.

“Well you are only five, and you are at a specialist school. However, I have actually looked into the school you’re attending and it is not what I meant at all when I suggested a specialist school. There is a school over in Oxfordshire which I believe would be more suitable.

“It’s a modern sort of place based on those alternative education places you get over in America. Hippy sorts of places. But they allow you to learn what you choose; I believe it would be more appropriate.”

 “But that would be for normal children,” Merlin said, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Merlin would you look at me? I know you can,” Uther pressed gently.

Merlin looked up at him trembling.

“Father,” Arthur said, trying to intervene, but Uther held his hand up to his son.

He knelt down and looked Merlin in the eye.

“Merlin there is no such thing as a normal child. You are not normal but neither is anyone else,” Uther smiled at him and nodded.,

Merlin looked back down at his clenched fists and sat down on Arthur’s bed breathing heavily.

“I have discussed this school with Hunith and she is reluctant to let you go, but she does want you to, for like me she believes that you have great academic potential. We were going to wait until next year, but if Arthur’s changing schools we may as well move you now too. Would you like to give it a try?” he asked.

Merlin nodded.

“I could go with him, father,” Arthur said hopefully.

“I’m afraid not, they have very strict entrance conditions, the headmaster is very interested in Merlin because I sent off some of the work he’s been doing with Gaius. He’s already reading at a twelve year old level. You’re smart Arthur but no more so than other children of your age, I’m afraid,” he informed him kindly.

“You said it was a hippy school,” Arthur muttered.

“Yes I meant hippy geniuses though” Uther replied.

Arthur rolled his eyes.

“Has everything been aired now, may an old man retire to bed?” Uther asked.

Merlin giggled at this and laid down on Arthur’s bed.

“Merlin I do believe you have your own bed” Uther said smiling.

Merlin made to get up but Arthur gently pushed him down.

“Too tired,” said Arthur laying down beside him, making sure there was enough distance between them before falling asleep instantly.

Merlin tried to get up again.

“Stay if you want to Merlin, if Arthur’s asleep he can’t get you into mischief can he? Goodnight Merlin.”

“Goodnight.”

~

With the threat of bullies and boredom removed, the Christmas holidays were a very pleasant affair. Because Merlin was going to boarding school, it meant he got an extra week with Arthur. They spent most of the holiday inside, in the playroom or the library. However, Arthur managed to convince Merlin to go ice-skating with him on Boxing Day Merlin actually enjoyed himself even though he fell over a lot.

After New Year’s Leon came to visit, and Arthur found the older boy much less boring than he had done previously. The two of them played soldiers and Godzilla, and all sorts of other rough and tumble games that Arthur loved. But what impressed Arthur the most about Leon was how he behaved with Merlin.

Merlin would not speak to Leon at first because he was new. However, that did not faze the older boy at all. When Leon asked Merlin if he wanted to play 52 bunker with them, Merlin shook his head and ran off to the library. Arthur explained to him that Merlin did not like playing boisterous games, fully expecting to have to defend Merlin when Leon inevitably laughed at him. But Leon just suggested that they all do a jigsaw together.

After Leon proved himself far better at assisting with jigsaws than Arthur Merlin finally trusted him enough to speak albeit only a thank you for his help. Leon smiled at this, delighted to get even a couple of words out of Merlin. Leon left for home a week before school started and it was just Merlin and Arthur again, Arthur was secretly pleased, he really liked Leon but he wanted Merlin to himself before they both went to school.

“I like Leon,” Merlin informed him the next day.

“Really Merlin why’s that?” Arthur asked.

“He’ll look after you at your new school,” Merlin replied.

 

“Ha! I don’t need looking after,” Arthur insisted but he grinned, “this time it’s going to be fun, for both of us Merlin.”

“I know, I think, I think I feel excited,” he said looking to Arthur for conformation.

“Yeah you definitely do, I can tell,” Arthur agreed.

~

The week passed in a blur of uniform measurements, suitcase packing and final checks, and too soon everything was in place and Merlin and Arthur were stood outside the house again. Uther was driving Arthur to the train station, as Albion Academy was quite far away so he would travelling by rail. Hunith was driving Merlin to his school, where she would stay overnight to make sure he was safe and comfortable there.

“What will you do without us here to look after Hunith?” Arthur asked curiously.

He was a little worried that Hunith might find new children to look after while they were gone. Now that both the boys were leaving, Hunith had gotten a job at a local primary school, she was going to try her hand at teaching but she would always be there when they returned.

“Don’t worry Arthur I’ll be here when you boys get back,” she insisted, “after all I have to look after your father, or he’ll work himself silly. Say goodbye now boys,” she said.

Arthur stepped up to Merlin, hands raised and fingers splayed out, Merlin entwined their fingers and held on tight closing his eyes, ignoring how it made his skin tingle. Eventually though they had to break apart and get in their respective cars. They waved frantically at each other as they drove away in opposite directions.

 


	7. Camelot School for Gifted Children

Hunith and Merlin pulled up to a large building in the Oxfordshire countryside, which from the outside, looked like a stately home. Merlin was watching wide-eyed out of his window, impressed and worried by the size of the place. They got out of the car and walked up the drive towards the main building. Hunith looked at her son.

“Isn’t it lovely?” She asked.

“Is this really my school?” He asked incredulously.

“Yes sweetheart, this is your school, I think you’re going to like it,” she said hopefully.

“Yeah” he breathed.

They entered a large hallway, with several corridors and staircases leading off in different directions.  A tall and formidable looking man with greying red hair and yellow eyes stepped forward to greet them. Merlin hid shyly behind his mother.

“You must be Hunith and Merlin,” the man said, “I am Dr Kilgarrah the headmaster of this school. Hello Merlin.”

Merlin said nothing, opting to stay behind his mother, so Hunith spoke up for him.

“He doesn’t speak to strangers I’m afraid,” she informed the headmaster.

“Ah, well that’s not a problem, we shall just have to get know each other better. Would you like to come into my office?”

They stepped through into a very grand room, filled with shelves upon shelves of books, Merlin stared at them greedily, Dr Kilgarrah led them over to a large desk which was covered in various objects and papers. Merlin stretched his hand out to touch a Newton’s cradle, before snatching it back. Hunith and the headmaster watched him.

“Go ahead Merlin,” he said gesturing at the object.

Merlin reached out again and lifted the silver ball gently and letting it fall again. He leant forward onto the desk, watching the balls swing side to side.

“Do you know how it works?” Dr Kilgarrah asked.

Merlin nodded and then realising the headmaster wanted an explanation, he spoke up.

“It’s conservation of energy and momentum,” he whispered.

“Indeed it is,” the headmaster said looking surprised, “and where did you learn that?”

“The Encyclopaedia Britannica from Uther’s library,” he informed him.

“Very good, you like to learn new things then, from books?” Kilgarrah asked in response.

“Yes sir.”

“And you are able to recall the information with ease?” Kilgarrah asked.

“Yes sir.”

“That’s very interesting. I do believe you’ll be rather impressed with the library we have here,” he said smiling at the small boy, a look of curiosity in his eyes.

He turned to Hunith.

 

“I’m sure you are aware that this is not a normal school Hunith, we accept gifted children here and try to nurture their gifts in order to let them achieve their full potential. Not all the children here are academically brilliant like your son; some are artistic, musical or even sporty,” he explained.

“But because we are an independent school we are allowed to offer the children study in whatever lessons they choose. If they do not like mathematics then they don’t have to study it. That may sound a little odd. But in fact given the freedom to choose, by age twelve all of our pupils have chosen to study most of the subjects which would be compulsory in other schools,” he finished.

“I see, that certainly is an interesting way of doing things, but it will definitely suit my Merlin.” She replied.

“Yes I believe so,” Kilgarrah agreed.

There was a timid knock at the door.

“Enter.”

A small girl with curly brown hair and a kind face entered the room.

“Ah, hello Guinevere. Gwen here will be your housebuddy; she will show you the ropes and help you to get settled,” Kilgarrah said turning to the girl, “Merlin here is quite shy, do you think could you show him to his dorm room and introduce him to the rest of your house please.”

Merlin looked to his mother who nodded so he followed Gwen out of the room.

“Hello, I’m Gwen” she informed him “I hear you’re a special genius. Special in a good way a mean, not that there’s a bad way to be special but you know um… well you’re quite young and smart. We get kids joining at all ages here. I joined last year, after Dr. Kilgarrah heard me singing in my church choir, I’m not super smart but I do love to sing. I sorry I’m babbling aren’t I? I’m supposed to be telling you about the school, do you have any questions?”

Merlin didn’t reply.

“Oh my goodness I haven’t offended you have I, I’m sorry it’s just sometimes-”

Merlin held up his hand and took a deep breath.

“No, I just don’t talk much” he paused, and decided to jump right in, “I do like to listen though, so I bet we’ll get on fine.”

Gwen beamed back at him.

“Yes I’ll talk too much and you too little, it’s perfect,” she replied.

Gwen took him to the Dragon common room. She explained the house system; there were only three because it was a small school, Dragons, Phoenixes, and Unicorns. She explained how the houses were really just a cool way of dividing the classes and dorms. While there were house points and interhouse sports there was very little animosity between the three. She also informed him Dr Kilgarrah was in charge of their house and that they were allowed to call him the Dragon, because Dr Kilgarrah made him feel old.

The head of the Unicorn house was the science teacher Dr Anhora, and Mr Fisher, the music teacher was in charge of the Phoenixes. Gwen introduced him to her friend Freya who was a talented artist; although she confessed she could only paint things from her imagination, and that she struggled with still life. The three children were sitting together by a window chatting, when a browned haired boy entered the room.

“Over here Will,” Freya called out “This is Merlin he’ll be sharing your dorm, but he doesn’t like to talk much, so you should get on fine, as you never shut up.”

The boy will pretended to hurt at Freya’s comment,  then he turned to Merlin raising an eyebrow but didn’t comment instead holding out his hand to Merlin.

“I’m Will,” he introduced.

Merlin shook his head and clenched his hands.

“No touching either huh? You autistic or summat?” he asked.

Merlin’s face fell as his cheeks flushed crimson.

“Will!” Gwen hissed angrily.

Will looked shocked.

“Sorry, I’m sorry. I really didn’t mean anything by it. It’s cool if you are mate, it’s not a problem. I bet you’re a right genius, if you’re here so young huh? I really meant no offence mate,” he stuttered.

Merlin nodded, and the tension eased a little. Will informed him that they shared the boy’s dormitory with two second years and a third year. Will was a first year but he’d already been to primary school for two years before he moved to Camelot on a sports scholarship. He wanted to be an Olympic swimmer. He apologised again for his earlier comment, he seemed so genuinely upset with himself that Merlin couldn’t stay mad at him, so he smiled carefully at the older boy. Will grinned widely back at this.

“So if you don’t talk how do we know if you’re posh or not. Quite a few kids here are on scholarship, are you?” Will asked him

Merlin shook his head. He had been offered a scholarship, but Uther had declined it, opting to pay for Merlin’s fees. His mother had argued but Uther had informed them that it was a tenth of what he was paying for Arthur’s school and that if he paid for Merlin it meant another child who needed the scholarship would receive it.

“Ah, so you’re posh then?” Will asked.

“Really?” asked Gwen before he could respond, “Not that you look common or anything.”

Merlin shook his head.

“Just rich then?” Will asked scrutinising him.

He shook his head again, there was no way of explaining it without speaking up, but he felt too shy, there were too many of them, he looked at his hands, starting to panic. But Will seemed to notice this.

“Well I guess it’s a mystery then,” Will said ending the enquiry.

They continued chatting about the upcoming term and Merlin relaxed again, the other children managed to keep him involved in the conversation, without demanding responses. After an hour Gwen informed them that Merlin had to go back to Dr Kilgarrah, so they stood up and waved goodbye to Freya and Will before leaving the common room.

“So it’s harder then, when there are more people to talk to?” She asked him.

“Yeah,” he whispered back.

“Well don’t worry about it, if you need to talk, um…” she paused and put her thumb on her nose wiggling her fingers, “and I’ll make Will go away.”

They both laughed.

“I’m sorry about what he said by the way,” she told him.

“It’s ok, he really didn’t mean any harm,” Merlin replied.

“Yeah, he’s annoying but he isn’t cruel,” Gwen agreed.

Merlin nodded, they had arrived back at the headmaster’s office, Gwen knocked on the door.

“Enter,” the headmaster called from inside.

Gwen pushed open the door and stepped aside, allowing Merlin to enter the room, before shutting the door behind him and skipping off down the hall. His mother stood up and rushed toward him, he grinned wildly at her and held out his hand. She took it.

“Merlin? You’ve been gone quite a while,” she said worriedly.

He pulled her closer and she leant down.

“I’ve made a friend,” he whispered so only she could hear. “I think I’ve made three actually.”

“Oh my boy,” she whispered back holding tightly to his hand, “you’re really going to be ok, aren’t you?”

“Yes, yes I think so,” he replied.

~

Hunith left for home the next day. At first Merlin was very reluctant to let her go, she was his only link to home and he panicked at the idea of being left alone. She was struggling to calm him down when Gwen came into the hall and asked Merlin if he would come to her singing lesson with her. Merlin looked to his mother, who nodded encouragingly at him, so he followed Gwen up the stairs. He looked back worriedly.

“Merlin give it a chance, if you still want to come home at the end of the week, I shall come and fetch you myself” Hunith promised.

Merlin nodded, a week was not that long after all, and waved goodbye. He went up to the music room with Gwen.

“Mr Fisher this is Merlin, he’s come to watch me sing,” she informed the teacher.

“Certainly, certainly, please take a seat and make yourself comfortable, you’re in for a treat young man,” the excitable teacher informed him.

Merlin took a seat in the corner of the room and watched Gwen take her place. She stood in front of a lectern and began to sing, her voice rang out around the room, it was beautiful. Merlin closed his eyes, losing himself in the sound. Eventually he stood up and wandered over to the piano, he had never seen one up close before. Hunith had once told him that all the musical instruments in the house had belonged to Arthur’s mother. When she had died, Uther had locked them away because it was too painful for him.

 

Merlin stroked an ivory key gently, he pressed down and smiled as a clear note rang out across the room. He pressed different key, his keen ears noticing the change of note. He tried a few more before sitting down on the piano stool, forgetting where he was or that this was in fact Gwen’s singing lesson, immersed in making different sounds. Gwen’s singing faltered but her teacher encouraged her to continue. Eventually Merlin found some of the notes he was playing almost matched Gwen’s voice. He stopped playing listening carefully to her, and then repeating the tune she sang as best he could, it wasn’t exact, and a couple of notes fell flat but it still sounded lovely with Gwen’s voice,  Mr Fisher came over.

“You’re playing in the same key that Guinevere is singing in,” he stated.

Merlin nodded.

“Have you played before?” he asked.

Merlin shook his head.

“I see, well my goodness you must have keen ears. I must say you certainly have some potential. In fact I would like you to come to regular music lessons, if you would like that?” he asked hopefully.

“Yes Sir,” he replied quietly.

Mr Fisher turned back to Gwen.

“And that was most impressive Guinevere, you’ve clearly been practising hard, please keep up the good work.”

Gwen smiled proudly as Mr Fisher swept out of the room.

“You didn’t tell me you could play Merlin” she said sitting beside him on the stool.

“I um, I didn’t know I could,” he confessed.

“Wow! Well you’re obviously a natural then,” she said smiling at him, they stood up together and went to get lunch.

Merlin ate his lunch with Gwen, Freya and Will in the small dining hall. They seemed perfectly happy to sit around him chattering to each other, every now and then Will would make sure he was keeping up with the conversation, clearly intent on making him feel included.

After lunch Merlin had his first maths lesson, his teacher Mr Baker was thoroughly impressed at how quickly he grasped the advanced questions and gave him several hefty textbooks to study. After a successful first day, Merlin decided he would divide his time between Music and Maths, none of the other subjects appealed to him and he had plenty of time to come back to them later.

~

With Mr Fisher he was learning to read music, it was very difficult because whilst he was naturally good at playing by ear; he found it a struggle to translate the squiggles on the page to the movement of his fingers. However he was never tempted to give up, this was something he wanted to perfect. He spent a lot of his free time reading musical theory books he had borrowed from Geoffrey the school librarian. He was also reading the advanced mathematics textbooks, given to him by Mr Baker. He was enjoying them immensely because they were so challenging, he had to read and practice the complex formulae and equations carefully before the answers became clear to him. He loved this, the learning, rather than instant understanding, it was much more fulfilling.

Merlin was enjoying himself so much at school that it was not until the end of his second week that he remembered he needed to write to Arthur. However, he was not too worried for he had not received a letter either. He assumed this meant that Arthur was having just as good a time as he was.

Nevertheless, he sat himself down at his favourite desk in the common room, by the window overlooking the school grounds and began to write, smiling to himself as he relived the past two weeks.


	8. Albion Academy

Arthur was indeed having just as good a time as Merlin, he had made some friends and was thoroughly enjoying his classes, even the difficult ones. His teachers were kind and understanding of his predicament, they did not get cross at the fact he was a little behind the other children. When he had boarded the train two weeks ago he’d been immediately greeted by Leon, who took him to a carriage and introduced him to his friends. Lance and Percy were second years like Leon but Gwaine was a first year like him, they would all be in the same house. Arthur had instantly felt much better than he had at his first day at Junior Kings.

The school itself was a grand building, and the grounds surrounding it were vast, it looked like a Christmas card all blanketed in snow. Leon gave him a brief history of the school, which was apparently over five hundred years old. He informed him that they were allowed anywhere on the grounds, apart from the lake, which they needed a teacher present if they wanted to go rowing. After a quick tour of the front grounds Leon took him to the headmaster’s office, but he must have seen that Arthur was nervous because he tried to reassure him.

“Don’t worry Arthur, Professor Godwin is really nice, I promise,” he said gently before pushing him forward.

Arthur stepped into the office, where a kind looking man was sorting through a pile of paperwork, he looked up at him.

“Ah Mister Pendragon, please sit down,” the man said gesturing at the chair opposite his desk.

Arthur sat and waited while Professor Godwin read his file, he tried his best not to fidget but he was still nervous.

“Hmm, it seems you were bullied at you last school” he said, looking up at him for confirmation.

Arthur nodded, shame burning his cheeks.

“Well that shan’t happen here I can assure you, for we have a zero tolerance policy on bullying. I don’t know what was going through the heads of the teachers at your previous school to turn a blind eye at such blatant abuse,” he said looking down at the papers again, “but I believe you will find the teachers here much more approachable and certainly more willing to listen,” the headmaster informed him.

“Yes Sir,” Arthur said feeling relief wash over him.

“Well everything seems in order here, so I guess you’d better go and get your things unpacked and get settled, your lessons will start first thing tomorrow. It seems your marks have slipped a little since you started last September but that is understandable with what happened. It’s only one term so I’m sure you’ll catch up easily. If not we can certainly arrange for some remedial lessons,” Godwin suggested.

“Thank you sir,” Arthur said trying to ignore the worrying feeling he got at the idea of remedial lessons.

Arthur left the headmasters office to find Gwaine waiting for him.

“Alright Cinderella? Guess I’ll show you the dorms,” the boy said grinning.

He led Arthur to their house common room, waving at Leon and Percy before taking him up into a spacious dormitory. The large, round room was bright and airy, and immediately made Arthur feel at home, he turned to Gwaine.

“It’s amazing,” he whispered.

“Uh it’s a bedroom,” Gwaine replied raising an eyebrow, “but I guess you were at Kings so you probably slept in a broom cupboard before,”  he said smiling at Arthur “here you are then” he said gesturing at a bed.

Arthur moved forward to unpack his things, lifting his heavy suitcase onto the bed.

“Oh don’t do that now Barbie,” Gwaine said stopping him in his tracks, “We’re having a snowball fight outside in five minutes and you’re on my team. It’s us against Leon, Percy and Lance, and we need to kick those second years’ arses, or they’ll never let us hear the end of it,” Gwaine informed him.

Arthur grinned he liked this uncouth boy already, he rummaged through his suitcase and pulled out his bright red mittens that Hunith had knitted him.

“Ok you’re on,” he said pulling them on.

“Mittens?” Gwaine said raising his eyebrow again.

Arthur just waggled his fingers at the other boy.

“Well I don’t want to get frostbite,” he argued.

“Fair point,” Gwaine agreed, “C’mon let’s get going.”

~

Arthur and Gwaine were brutally defeated in the snowball battle. After all they were up against three older boys. They put up a good fight though, Arthur got a few good shots in, and he was particularly proud of the one directly to Percy’s face, which had him spluttering for five minutes. Eventually though they had to give in, Lance had Gwaine pinned to the ground making him eat snow, and Leon and Percy were advancing on him, their eyes glinting.

“I surrender,” Arthur cried backing away.

The boys just laughed pelting him with snow. Finally it was dinner time and they walked to the dining hall dripping wet and shivering, chattering about the upcoming term. Arthur felt warm and hopeful, this was what school should have been from the start, he thought to himself.

After that, the first two weeks went past in a blur for Arthur. His new school was much more academically focussed than Kings was, so he had struggled at first. He had worried that he would indeed have to take remedial lessons, but eventually what he had learnt from Nimueh last summer came back to him, and he started to catch up with his classmates.

Arthur spent most of his free time with his new group of friends, during the day the explored the grounds playing games. His favourite game was one Leon had invented called dragonslayers, in which they were knights and Gwaine was a dragon. They played this in the small woods behind the stables where they could make as much noise as they wanted. Gwaine was particularly good at playing a scary dragon, and he was very loud.

At the weekends, the boys were allowed to visit the local village, where they stocked up on sweets and toys. On a Saturday two weeks into term Gwaine and Arthur were eating breakfast hurriedly, they were planning to go to the village and buy new yo-yos. Arthur looked up from his toast to see Leon waving a letter at him.

“Post,” he said gruffly, obviously struggling with the early hour.

Arthur took the letter and smiled at the handwriting, Merlin. He had thought the younger boy had forgotten about him, he opened the letter carefully.

_Dear Arthur,_

_I’m sorry it’s taken so long to write but guess what, school is amazing! It’s so much better than my old one. I’ve made friends, their names are Gwen, Will, and Freya. I even speak to them, very occasionally, but I am getting better at it, and they don’t seem to mind that I’m quiet._

_I’ve started to learn the piano; it turns out it’s another one of my natural talents, but reading the sheet music is the difficult part. I can still only read the simple melodies. You’d think I’d get frustrated at not understanding something straight away. But actually it’s quite refreshing, I enjoy the learning. I’m also studying maths. It’s very hard but I love it, Mr Baker says I’m working at a KS3 level, I don’t know what that means though, it’s something to do with secondary school._

_I was scared at first when I got here, the headmaster seemed really scary, scarier than you dad even, but actually he’s really kind just like your dad. I miss mum quite a bit, and my room and things at home, sharing a dorm is strange but I think I’m getting used to it. Will’s my roommate and he’s promised not to touch my things which is good._

_I miss you the most though, sometimes it all gets a bit much and I have to go and hide, there are plenty of places here to do that. There’s just so many people and it feels like I’m suffocating, or drowning, and then I get dizzy and I have to curl up and count until the feeling passes. If you were here it would be easier, I doubt I would even get dizzy with you barging about, shoving people out of my way._

_How’s your school? I hope it’s good, I’m sure it is, Leon promised me he’d keep you safe so I doubt you’re getting bullied. But how’s the lessons? Are you keeping up? I think your new school is tougher, so you might struggle because you missed a lot last term. But don’t let it upset you, you’re dead smart Arthur and you’ll catch up. I hope you’ve made lots of friends. I bet you have and you play horrible games which involve tackling each other and play fighting and all sorts of other things I hate._

_Love_

_Merlin_

_xxxxxxx_

Arthur read the letter again and smiled.

“Who’s it from?” Leon asked looking up from his cornflakes.

“Merlin,” Arthur replied.

“Checking up on you?” Leon asked grinning.

“Uh huh, I’m just going to write back now, so that I can post it in the village.” Arthur told him.

“Sure, take your time” Leon replied tucking back into his breakfast.

Arthur pulled his notebook out of his rucksack and began to write.

_Dear Merlin,_

_Yes you have taken your time getting in contact. But I am glad that you’re having a good time at school. It’s fantastic that you’ve made friends, don’t worry about talking to them, just take it slow and it will come, I’m certain they’ll understand._

_I’m hardly surprised that you can play the piano; you have the hands of a musician. I cannot read music I can’t stand it, I think it’s far too complicated, why can’t they just write a’s b's and c’s on the sheets, it would make more sense than squiggles. It’s good that you’re getting mental exercise, if everything was easy you’d get too big for your boots. You’re always going to be good at maths Merlin, and it’s obviously not hard for you because KS3 is for 13 year olds, it should be impossible for most boys your age. I reckon you should probably learn to play chess; you’d be brilliant at it. Actually scratch that, wait until we get home and I’ll teach you, it’ll be more fun._

_My headmaster’s great, he was completely understanding of the fact I might be behind on my work. He’s extremely strict about bullying which made me feel very safe. I miss home too but I like sharing a dorm it’s fun, I’m sharing with a boy called Gwaine, he’s a laugh but very messy. I miss you too Merlin I always do when I’m away. If it gets too much just pretend I’m there with you, and take deep breaths it will help. Of course I would shove everyone out of your way if I was there, what are best friends for?_

_School itself is great. Leon is not keeping me safe, I’m not three. And no one would dare bully me here; they’d be kicked out straight away. The lessons were hard at first, I felt dead stupid because I didn’t know anything, but finally I started remembering what I learnt over summer and it all started coming back to me. My friends and I play fantastic games which you would indeed hate. Lots of tackling and rough and tumble, but it’s all very fun. See you at Easter_

_Love_

_Arthur_

_xxxxx_

_P.S. Leon says hello_

Arthur reread the letter then sealed it in an envelope ready to post. Yes this school was a good place, he would be very happy here, and if Merlin was happy at his school, then everything was perfect.

~

The rest of the year passed by in a flash, Arthur did indeed teach Merlin how to play chess during the Easter break, and regretted it straight away when he was defeated in their very first game. After that, playing chess became a regular pastime for them, even if he did lose every game.

To make up for it Merlin decided to help Arthur with hockey practise, as Arthur was going to try out for the school team after the holidays and had confided in Merlin that he was nervous. The next day Merlin had come outside to the back of the house where Arthur had been practicing alone. He had wrapped himself in a duvet and was wearing Arthurs bicycle helmet, Arthur had burst out laughing.

“What are you doing?” he had asked incredulously.

Merlin huffed and positioned himself between two trees.

“I’ll be your goalkeeper,” Merlin informed him, adjusting his helmet and pulling on Hunith’s oven gloves.

“You don’t have to” Arthur said, surprised at Merlin’s gesture.

“You play chess with me even though you always lose,” Merlin replied.

Arthur smiled back wildly before hitting the ball to Merlin as gently as he could manage. Merlin was pretty clumsy with the ball but he tried his best and that was all that mattered to Arthur, it was a lot more fun than practising alone.

~

During the summer holidays Arthur had invited his friends to visit, he had been a little worried about making Merlin uncomfortable but he wanted them to meet each other. Merlin already liked Leon so that was not a problem, and he hoped that because Lance and Percy were similar to Leon they would also get on well. In fact Arthur’s main worry had been Gwaine.

Gwaine was unreserved, loud and could be overly physical at times. However his friend had surprised them all, he spoke softly to Merlin when he introduced himself, didn’t say anything when his handshake was declined. When he spoke to Merlin he would stand beside him to make him feel more comfortable. Arthur was thoroughly impressed, realising he had made a friend for life with Gwaine.

Gwen , Will and Freya also came to stay that summer at the same time as Arthur’s friends. Hunith was rushed off her feet with a house full of children but it made her smile to see them all having fun. Arthur liked Merlin’s friends instantly after seeing how they behaved around Merlin, and how when all nine of them were together Will ensured he was still included in the group. Eventually their friends had to go back home, but not before promising to come back again the next year. 


	9. A New Member of the Family

The years passed by quickly for the two boys, Arthur joined the junior rugby team in his second year and began playing both hockey and rugby against the country’s other top schools. Hunith and Uther were always there to support him, and Merlin often came along when he could. Arthur was also excelling academically and was very popular with all his teachers because he was such a pleasant young boy.

Merlin was also doing well, he had achieved grade eight in the piano, and had already sat two modules of a mathematics GCSE six years earlier than most. He had also participated in several local chess competitions. His maths teacher had put him forward for a national competition because he had never lost a game but the pressure and attention on him made Merlin so ill that Arthur had had to escort him from the building to calm him down.

Although they did not get to spend much time together during term time, during the holidays the boys were almost inseparable. However, when Arthur was thirteen and Merlin was nine things there was a drastic change to the family dynamic. His father informed them that his cousin Morgana would be coming to live with them, because her father had passed away and they were her closest family. Arthur had not seen Morgana in years and was not pleased that she was coming, for he disliked her passionately. He told Merlin as much but the younger boy just seemed to find it amusing.

“It’s not funny Merlin, you’ve never met her but you’ll see straight away how evil she is. Then you’ll be begging me to protect you, and maybe I won’t just to spite you,” he threatened.

They were playing chess, or more accurately Arthur was being slaughtered at chess, but he always played anyway as Merlin enjoyed it. Merlin moved his bishop forward.

“Check. You always protect me Arthur, and you would never do something to spite me. I’m only laughing because of how worked up you’re getting, it’s a little silly, you haven’t seen her in years. She’s probably really nice,” Merlin reasoned.

Arthur frowned at the board, finally he moved his king to the right.

“Dammit, I used to be good at chess you know. I don’t think I’m upset really, I just don’t like change, I like our family just the way it is. You hate change though, you’re coping surprisingly well.” Arthur argued.

“I know, I know, but her father died Arthur, she must be so sad,” he countered.

“Sympathy Merlin, really?” Arthur asked, regretting his tone of voice at once.

Merlin scowled at him and pushed his queen forward.

“Checkmate” he said knocking over Arthur’s king, “I’m not a robot Arthur” he said crossly.

“I know, I’m sorry… I’m sorry” Arthur said looking horrified at what he’d implied “Merlin I didn’t mean it… I’m just… it’s because… I’m sorry Merlin,” he stammered.

“S’Ok, I forgive you, as usual,” he sighed.

“Merlin,” Arthur pleaded.

Merlin looked up at him and smiled.

“I’m not cross Arthur,” he said convincing.

Arthur smiled back, sighing with relief.

~

Morgana arrived later that week, just in time for Christmas. She was not the cruel bossy child that Arthur remembered at all. She was quiet and withdrawn, clearly grieving for her father. Arthur felt terribly guilty for what he had said to Merlin. He told his friend as much. 

“Well try to make it up to her, try to make her feel better, take her mind off things,” Merlin suggested.

“We’ll need a plan,” Arthur said sighing.

They were in his bedroom hanging out because Morgana was in the playroom, she’d been in there every day since she arrived, but she hadn’t spoken to them or touched any of the toys.

“No you just need to talk to her and make her feel welcome, that’s what she needs,” Merlin replied, “But she’ll probably want to do more normal things than jigsaws and chess.”

Arthur decided to invite Morgana to watch a film with them that evening, after arguing with Merlin that he would indeed be joining them because it was his idea. The young girl seemed surprised but agreed albeit reluctantly. So the three of them sat down in the television room to watch all the Disney films they had in the house, which Arthur had suggested because Morgana had loved them when she was younger.

They got through Snow White and Cinderella without a hitch, although Arthur was a little bored with princesses. However about a third of the way through Beauty and the Beast Morgana got upset and she screamed at Arthur to stop the film. He did confused.

 

“I’m sorry Morgana I didn’t realise that this film would upset you,” Arthur whispered as it dawned on him that Belle worrying about her father was too painful for Morgana right now.

“Well it did because you are your usual thoughtless self, my father has just died” she snapped.

“Morgana you’re being unreasonable, it’s just a film. I too know what it’s like to lose a parent, I’m just trying cheer you up,” he reasoned.

Morgana saw red at being compared to her cousin, she had been bottling up all the grief and anger she had felt since her father died, but it was too much for her to hold on to any longer.

“Don’t you dare compare the two,” she yelled “It’s completely different, I knew my father, I loved him, and you killed your mother,” she spat.

Arthur’s face fell, he gasped as if he had taken a physical blow and then he slumped back down on the couch. Morgana whose anger had receded as quickly as it came was horrified at herself.

“Arthur I didn’t mean it, I’m sorry,” she begged.

Arthur did not respond just stared into space, but Merlin did.

“Get out,” he said in a low voice.

It was the first time he had spoken to her, and the anger in his tone made her a little afraid. She backed away from him a little.

“Get out,” he repeated, “Your grief is not an excuse for what you said, did no one teach you to think before you speak? Arthur was trying to help you and make you feel welcome!”

Morgana fled to the door, but did not go further turning back to watch them carefully, as Merlin knelt down in front of Arthur offering his hand. Arthur took it and gripped it tight.

“I can’t believe she could be so cruel,” Arthur whispered.

“I think she meant to say that you never knew your mother but her anger twisted it and it came out wrong,” Merlin replied quietly.

“I honestly did Arthur,” Morgana pleaded stepping forward, “I didn’t want hurt you, but I sort of did because I don’t want to be the only one in pain anymore. I’m so sorry, please can you forgive me,” she begged.

Arthur looked up at her warily.

“Please?” she repeated.

“Okay,” he replied quietly.

“Shall we try a different film?” Merlin asked.

“Alright, but please no more Disney,” Arthur said.

“Yeah definitely not,” Morgana agreed, smiling cautiously at her cousin.

“Hey you love Disney, that’s the only reason we’re watching it,” Arthur argued.

“I do love Disney, as all the best people do, but I’m not in the mood for anymore fairy tales right now,” she informed him.

“Well what do you suggest then, Oh how about Shaun of the Dead?” he asked.

“Um how about no? Maybe 10 Things I Hate about You, I love that,” she countered.

“Way too girly” Arthur argued.

“But you’re supposed to be cheering me up.”

“Yeah but we have to draw a line somewhere.”

They continued to argue so Merlin sighed and stood up, walking over to the vast selection of DVDs. He picked out his favourite, and placed it in the DVD drawer, before sitting back down beside Arthur. The film began to play.

“Ah, Howl’s Moving Castle, an excellent choice Merlin,” Arthur said.

Merlin smiled at him.

“Howl’s Moving Castle?” Morgana asked warily.

“You’ll love it, sit down Morgana,” Arthur said gesturing at the space besides Merlin

Morgana sat down carefully beside Merlin, who immediately shuffled and tensed, Arthur noticed straight away.

“Morgana you’re sitting too close, look,” he said gesturing at the space between him and Merlin.

“Sorry Merlin I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable,” she said moving away slightly.

They watched the film quietly, Merlin who knew the film off by heart began to watch Morgana carefully. He observed the way she was holding herself, tensed as if she was struggling to hold it together. He tried to imagine how she must feel, to imagine how he would feel if suddenly his whole family was gone. The sadness hit him suddenly and intensely, and it made him ache to see the poor girl in such a state.

He thought maybe if he could make her feel as if she had a new family it might help her. There was only one thing for it, he would have to show her affection the only way he knew how. He held out his hand to her, trembling as he fought against his instincts to pull away, Morgana was new it was too soon for touch really, but this was important. Arthur watched him curiously and Morgana looked at him confused.

“It means a hug,” Arthur informed her.

He held his hand out for Merlin, who entwined their fingers before looking back at Morgana. She took Arthur’s lead and placed her fingers between Merlin’s. Merlin tensed at the new touch so Morgana held her hand very gently in his. Eventually Merlin closed his fingers around hers. He was very tense and his shoulders shook slightly. Morgana made to pull her hand away.

“But I’m hurting you,” she said worriedly.

“S’Ok, you need a hug,” Merlin replied holding firm.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Then he looked forward and focussed on the film, forcing himself to relax. When Morgana realised just how much effort it took for Merlin to hold her hand she realised that maybe she was not alone anymore.

“Thank you Merlin,” she whispered.

Merlin just nodded, he held her hand until the film ended. When it was over Merlin pulled both his hands back suddenly and stood up, clenching and unclenching his hands. Morgana was shocked at the sudden loss of contact, but Arthur knew what to do.

“Breathe Merlin,” he said slowly, “Breathe.”

He did gulping in the air and eventually he calmed down enough to sit back down between them, this time keeping his hand to himself.

“Merlin doesn’t usually touch for so long, it causes sensory overload,” Arthur informed Morgana.

“I understand, thank you Merlin for making me feel so at home,” she said to him.

Merlin smiled at her quickly, happy that his gesture had worked. They settled down again to watch Ponyo.

~

The next day Morgana joined them in the playroom and informed them that she did indeed like puzzles and chess. Arthur seized this opportunity to allow someone else to play against Merlin, grinning to himself when she said she would love to. A little way into the game and it was clear that Morgana was far better at the game than Arthur. She still had no chance of beating Merlin but the younger boy thanked her for providing more of a challenge than Arthur.

“Hey!” Arthur shouted putting down his Xbox controller and wandering over, “good luck getting me to play you again,” he joked.

“Well he won’t need to will he? I’ll play him from now on,” Morgana retorted pushing a pawn forward.

“Ha! You won’t, you don’t have the patience to keep playing a game you cannot win,” he challenged.

“Oh and you do?” she countered.

“Arthur has lost eight hundred and thirty-seven games to me in the past four years” Merlin informed her quietly.

“Wow!” she exclaimed, “and you’ve never let him win?” she asked him.

Merlin looked confused, the concept lost on him. Morgana just smiled at him and gestured for him to continue the game. In the end it turned out that Morgana’s patience threshold for losing was three games. After which she joined Arthur on the Xbox, and proceeded to defeat him spectacularly easily at Halo. After four rounds she paused the game and turned to Arthur, gesturing for Merlin to come over. When he did, she stood up.

“Merlin, Arthur I just wanted to say thank you, thank you so much for making me feel so welcome here. I still feel terribly sad about what happened but it hurts a lot less knowing I have you two.

“I was so lonely when I got here, I thought you would hate me, for intruding in your family but you’ve been so good to me, so thank you,” she said quietly.

“Not at all Morgana, after all you’re one of us now,” Arthur said in a low whispery voice, waving his hands at her.

Merlin giggled.

~

Later that night Merlin was sitting on Arthur’s bed watching him chose a book from the shelf. They still read together every night whilst they were at home. While they had enjoyed spending all day with Morgana, this was their thing so they had not told her about it.

“Arthur?”

“Hmmm,” he replied stretching to reach The Subtle Knife.

“Why didn’t you tell me I was supposed to let you win sometimes?” Merlin asked quietly.

“What?” he asked climbing down from his chair.

He turned to face Merlin, surprised to see that he looked sad.

“Well why would you let me win?” Arthur asked, confused.

“Because that’s what normal friends do,” Merlin said sadly.

Arthur sat down on the bed.

“Oh Merlin-bird, I don’t want you to let me win, it would be unrealistic anyway. Look don’t get hung up on what’s normal Merls, and don’t try to pretend to be like other children, I don’t want you to change, ok?” Arthur insisted quietly.

“Ok,” Merlin whispered.

“Merlin.”

Merlin looked up at Arthur, scanning his face, but he could see that the older boy was hiding nothing, his face open and concerned. Merlin smiled weakly at his friend and nodded. Arthur took Merlin’s hand, entwined their fingers, and began to read.

 

 


	10. A Summer of Girls Vs. Boys

The next summer when everyone came to visit there was a shift in the dynamics of the group.  Morgana, Gwen and Freya quickly became friends and began to go off together without the boys. Merlin and Arthur were both confused as to why the girls no longer wanted to hang out with them, but they tried to shrug it off, presuming it was somehow Morgana’s fault. However, when they spotted the girls watching them and giggling they decided something had to be done.

The next day found them hiding out in the playroom plotting to find out exactly what was going on with the girls. They had decided that some form of spying was the best way forward.

“I think we’re going to have to send a man in,” suggested Percy.

“Merlin!” responded Gwaine and Will in unison.

“What, why me?” squeaked Merlin.

He jumped up from his chair nervously, looking around at the other boys. Lance looked him over.

“Well you’re probably the only one they will allow to hang out with them,” Lance explained.

“Why?” Merlin asked.

“Well you know, because you’re all adorable and innocent,” Leon responded.

Merlin huffed and Arthur laughed loudly.

“Yeah that’s fair enough, but if they ask why he’s suddenly joining them, he won’t be able to lie,” Arthur said.

“Yeah but he doesn’t have to lie,” Leon said, he turned to Merlin, “If you just stay with them and keep quiet they’ll tell you everything, then you can just come back and tell us what you find out,” he said.

“Ok,” Merlin said warily.

“Alright Merlin you’ll just have to stay quiet then,” Arthur told him.

Merlin nodded.

~

An hour later Merlin was briefed in his mission, he carefully approached the group of girls who were sitting by the pool giggling loudly. They noticed him approaching.

“Alright Merlin?” Gwen asked.

Merlin nodded.

“Um.. just came to um.. say hello,” he said quietly wringing his hands, this felt like lying to him.

“Oh well come and join us,” Morgana said gesturing for him to sit down.

Merlin sat beside her and took off his shoes and socks, dipping his toes into the water and smiling. Morgana watched him carefully, she smiled at him.

“How come you’re not with the boys?” Gwen asked.

Merlin shrugged.

“Are they being mean to you?” Freya asked.

“No,” he said shrugging again.

“Maybe Merlin just wanted to hang out with us because we’re cooler than the boys,” Morgana said.

“That makes sense,” Gwen agreed.

She moved closer to Merlin and dipped her feet in the water, copying him.

“So… we were just talking about Lance,” Morgana informed him.

“Morgana!” exclaimed Gwen trying to shush her.

“What about Lance?” Merlin asked  confused.

“Gwen likes him,” Morgana said.

“Okay?” Merlin replied confused.

“Morgana stop it,” Gwen moaned hiding her face in her hands.

“Stop worrying he doesn’t understand Gwen, he’s too young,” she said laughing.

Merlin watched them argue, splashing each other with water, a little confused before something clicked.

“Oh.. you mean… for kissing?” he asked them inquisitively.

Gwen flushed bright red, and shook her head frantically.

“How do you know about kissing?” Morgana asked curiously.

“Books,” he responded.

“Merlin you mustn’t tell Lance, please,” Gwen begged.

“But he can’t keep secrets,” Morgana told her smirking.

“Well then I guess he should also know that you fancy Leon!” Gwen burst out.

“Gwen!” Morgana yelled.

Merlin covered his ears.

“Please stop yelling,” he whispered.

“Oh sorry sweetie,” Morgana said quietly, gesturing for him to uncover his ears

“Yeah sorry Merls, but Morgana does fancy Leon,” Gwen said ensuring that he had heard that fact.

Freya giggled at them, the two girls rounded on her, looking threatening.

“Oh it’s funny is it, maybe we’ll tell Merlin who you fancy” Gwen threatened

“Will?” the boy suggested before they could spill Freya’s secret.

“How did you know?” Morgana asked.

“I dunno, um…  I see Freya watching him, when he’s not looking,” he informed them.

“Observant aren’t you?” Morgana asked.

“I watch everyone,” he responded.

“Have you told Will,” Freya asked worriedly.

“No, should I?” he asked.

“No absolutely not!” she squealed.

 “Why not? He likes you too,” he replied.

“Told you!” said Morgana triumphantly

Freya blushed.

“Well now you know our secrets Merlin” Gwen said seriously, “but you mustn’t tell the boys.”

“But they’re going to ask,” he said worriedly.

“Well make something up,” Freya suggested.

Merlin shook his head.

“He can’t,” Morgana reminded them.

“But why can’t I tell them? They’d want to know,” he asked, he was very confused.

“You just can’t,” Gwen insisted.

“What about Arthur?” Merlin pushed.

“If you tell Arthur he’ll tell the others,” Freya told him.

“He’ll tell Arthur, he tells Arthur everything,” Morgana stated.

“They just want to know why you keep giggling,” Merlin told them.

“Yes well… wait did they send you?” she asked her voice rising in pitch

Merlin stood up and backed away carefully.

“You were spying you little monster!” she yelled jumping up.

Merlin fled back into the house before Morgana could grab at him. He rushed upstairs and pounded on the playroom door. Arthur opened it and quickly stepped aside letting Merlin run into the room.

“What happened?” he asked, shocked at Merlin’s sudden appearance.

“They found out I was spying,” he said sadly.

“Uh oh,” said Leon, looking worriedly at the door.

“We’re dead” said Will sadly.

There was a loud banging on the door, everyone in the room jumped.

“Open this door Arthur!” Morgana yelled.

Merlin shook his head violently.

“Don’t open it, she’s really mad,” he whispered.

“Open. The. Door!”

Arthur gave in pulling the door open, and as the three girls stormed into the room Merlin hid behind Arthur.

“We’re not mad at you Merlin,” said Freya.

“Yeah you’re too young and naïve to realise what was going on,” Morgana said spinning round to face Arthur, “we’re mad at you,” she said pointing her finger at his chest.

 

“What has he told you?” Gwen asked.

“Nothing yet, you were only a minute behind him,” Arthur said slowly trying to calm them down.

“Did he find out your secrets then?” Gwaine asked curiously.

“Yeah he did, because you made him spy on us!” Freya said crossly.

“It was Will’s idea,” said Gwaine.

“No it was Percy’s” Will argued.

“Yeah it was Percy’s idea,” Leon agreed.

“Yes but it was your idea to use Merlin as a spy,” Percy said pointing at Will and Gwaine.

The children continued to argue.

“I won’t tell,” Merlin said quietly.

They all turned to him.

“Aw what?” Gwaine said sounding disappointed.

“You promise?” asked Gwen.

“Um.. yeah I won’t tell the boys your secrets, I promise,” Merlin said seriously.

Morgana smiled at him.

“I knew you were on our side,” she said smugly.

Then she pulled Gwen and Freya out of the room.

“He might still tell,” Freya whispered.

“I trust Merlin, if he says he won’t tell he won’t tell,” Morgana said quietly.

“But the others-”

“Arthur won’t let them pester Merlin though,” Morgan informed them.

Gwen nodded at this and the three girls went back to the pool, to chat about the revelation that Will liked Freya back.

The boys kept on at Merlin all afternoon, trying all kinds of things to get him to spill the beans. Gwaine and Will tried to trick him into giving away the information, whereas Leon and Percival tried to get him confess in order to complete his mission. It was when Gwaine jokingly threatened to torture him for information, accidentally terrifying Merlin that Arthur called a stop things.

“That’s enough now all of you, Merlin said he won’t tell so leave him alone,” Arthur said sternly.

Merlin looked at him gratefully. The other boys reluctantly dropped the issue and tried to come up with a new plan of action, to find out the truth.

~

That evening in Arthur’s room, Merlin was watching Arthur carefully as he turned off his computer.

“What’s up Merlin?” he asked, sitting down beside him on the bed.

“Don’t you want to know, what the girls said?” he asked.

“I am curious but you promised you wouldn’t tell,” he reminded him.

“Yeah but I didn’t mean you, I can’t have secrets from you,” he said as if he idea was impossible.

“Hmm… ok then what did they say?” Arthur asked.

“They were talking about weird things,” Merlin informed him.

“Hardly surprising, they are girls after all,” Arthur laughed.

“Yeah, Morgana wants to kiss Leon!”

Arthur laughed.

“Is that why they giggle whenever we’re near them?” he asked.

“Uh huh, and Gwen wants to kiss Lance” he said pulling a face as if it was the grossest thing in the world.

“Well I know that Lance fancies Gwen and has done for ages,” Arthur told him.

“What about Leon?” Merlin asked.

“I dunno, he’s pretty scared of Morgs, what about Freya, who does she like?”

“Will, and Will likes Freya back he told me last year at school” Merlin paused thinking “Who do you like Arthur?” He asked curiously.

“You” Arthur responded without hesitation, poking him in the stomach.

Merlin giggled.

“Well you can’t kiss me, that’s gross,” he said batting Arthur’s hand away.

Arthur laughed loudly at this, and laid back on his bed.

“Should I tell the girls what you said?” Merlin asked.

“Yeah maybe, then they might hang out with us again,” he sighed closing his eyes.

Eventually he drifted off to sleep. Merlin watched him for a bit before crawling forward until he was knelt at Arthur’s head. He leant down and pressed his lips to Arthur’s cheek, in a quick kiss. He pulled back and giggled before running out of the room.

~

The next day Merlin informed Morgana and Gwen what Arthur had told him. At first Morgana was cross that Merlin had told Arthur, although she was not surprised. However, she was thrilled to learn that Leon was scared of her. Merlin was confused at this but she did not elaborate, simply informing him he was too young to understand. After the air was cleared, the two groups began to hang out together again and although it was a little awkward at times, the majority of the summer they got along just fine.

 

 


	11. A Wicked Stepmother

Two years later the three children returned for the summer holidays to discover that Uther had gotten a new fiancé, while they had been away at school. The woman’s name was Catrina and at first appearances, she seemed perfectly pleasant. She took the children out for ice cream and sweets, to try to get to know them better.

However, three weeks into the holiday they started to get suspicious. Uther was back working in the city, his attentions focussed on acquiring the takeover of three small companies. Once Uther had left Catrina changed completely, she forbade them from having their friends to visit and refused to let them in certain parts of the house, including the library because she said it was not a place for children. Arthur was naturally furious on Merlin’s behalf and he managed to sneak in in the dead of night to steal away as many books he could manage.

Morgana hated Catrina after she actually suggested that it might be better for her to move away and stay with some distant relatives in France, as she was imposing. Morgana had cried for an hour after that, only stopping when Merlin handed her a small bunch of flowers to cheer her up. The final straw however was when they heard her arguing with Hunith over the running of the household, horrified when she said that Hunith would no longer be required after the wedding, the three children decided they would have to intervene.

The next day Arthur entered the kitchen, he had just got back from his run and was hoping to get something to eat, he was shocked to find Hunith crying.

“What’s happened?” he asked.

“Oh nothing dear, I’ll just be sad to leave this place is all” she replied.

“You shan’t be leaving Hunith, I will sort this out” he promised.

She smiled weakly at him, before bustling off to the pantry. Arthur opened the fridge but before he could get something, Morgana grabbed his arm and hushed him before dragging him upstairs to the old playroom. He entered the room to find Merlin was sat at a laptop.

“We’ve been spying on Catrina,” she informed him.

“Oh yeah, get anything good?” He replied.

“She’s in the library with a man,” she said smugly.

“Bloody hell, bit risky isn’t it?” He asked.

“Well Uther isn’t back for another few days, but even I didn’t expect her to bring someone here,” she replied.

They gathered round the screen, behind Merlin and watched in horror as Catrina pushed the man up against the bookshelves and began to ravish him. Morgana and Arthur groaned in disgust, Merlin watched with morbid curiosity.

“What are they doing?” He asked.

Morgana burst out laughing, Arthur tried to cover Merlin’s eyes but he wriggled free.

“Nothing you need to know about, Merlin,” Arthur informed him sternly.

“Oh, so its sex then?” He asked grinning.

Morgana laughed even harder, Arthur stared at Merlin in shock.

“Merlin how on earth do you know about sex? You’re only eleven,” Arthur asked scandalized.

Morgana was now clutching her side and gasping for breath, Merlin shrugged.

“Will’s told me some stuff, y’know ‘cos he’s older, dunno if any of its true though,” he informed them.

“Yes I highly doubt anything William knows about sex is accurate,” he said before gesturing to the screen, “That is definitely sex though , which means she clearly doesn’t love my father,” he sighed.

“She must want his money, can you record this Merlin?” Morgana asked.

“Um, maybe I’m not sure, but I might be able to get stills,” he began to click away at the laptop.

Then on the screen Catrina turned away from the man and looked directly at them, Merlin scrambled back horrified.

“She’s looking at the camera,” he said.

“Shit, hide the laptop,” Arthur whispered.

Merlin slammed the laptop closed and hid it in the window box. They had missed their chance to get evidence against Catrina, and they were too scared to try filming her again. Arthur planned to tell his father anyway, naively presuming his father would believe him over Catrina. He informed Morgana and Merlin of his plan, but Morgana was strongly against the idea.

“You can’t you’ve no proof,” she argued.

“I don’t care he has to know,” Arthur countered, he would not be put off.

That weekend when Uther returned from the city Arthur marched into his office.

“Father, Catrina is cheating on you,” he stated without hesitation.

“Arthur,” his father warned his voice dangerous. “Catrina has already told me how the three of you have been playing tricks on her all week and making her life difficult but I cannot believe you would stoop this low. I am not trying to replace your mother Arthur, but surely you can’t expect me to be alone forever,” he snapped.

“No she is cheating-”

“Arthur I will hear no more of this do you understand me?” Uther yelled.

“But she only wants you for the money!” Arthur burst out.

“Get out!” Uther roared, “If you are not careful boy I will have you sent away, I shall not have you upsetting my future wife,” he said coldly.

Arthur fled the room in shock; he grabbed Merlin, who was listening outside the study, by the wrist and dragged him up to the playroom. Morgana followed them.

“I take it that was a failure then” she said a little smugly.

“Go away Morgana please,” Arthur said holding back the tears.

She looked at him sadly before leaving the room quietly. Merlin tried to pull away from Arthur.

“Arthur my wrist,” he said trying to pull his arm free from Arthur’s grasp.

“Merlin please… I just need… please Merlin,” he begged.

Merlin just stared at him, still trying to pull free.

“Nevermind,” he said quietly, releasing Merlin’s arm.

“Oh,” Merlin said suddenly realising what Arthur needed.

He took a deep breath before looking at Arthur.

“You need a proper hug,” he whispered.

Arthur did not look up.

“It doesn’t matter,” he mumbled into his hands.

Merlin stood very still.

“Gently okay?” Merlin whispered.

Arthur looked up, staring wide eyed at him, Merlin nodded and Arthur very carefully put his arms around Merlin’s shoulders. Merlin remained very still keeping his own arms by his side, ignoring the claustrophobia he felt. He refused to let himself flinch when Arthur fell sobbing into the embrace. After a while, though claustrophobia won out and he had to pull free, gasping for breath. Arthur released him, and wiped his eyes.

“Sorry Merlin,” he whispered.

“S’Ok, it didn’t hurt too much,” he smiled at Arthur, “Do you feel better?”

“A little, but father threatened to send me away,” he whispered worriedly.

“I heard, but he wouldn’t do that really, he was just cross,” Merlin reasoned.

Arthur did not reply, he remained unconvinced.

~

Things got steadily worse over the next few weeks, with Catrina being even crueller to the children whilst Uther was away in the city, now that she knew she could get away with it. Hunith intervened as much as possible, but there was only so much she could do. Uther had already threatened to dismiss her after Catrina had lied to him about her interfering.

Arthur felt powerless to do anything, he dare not argue back, the threat of being sent away hanging heavily over him. Every time the evil woman called Morgana names, he held his tongue. Morgana told him she understood, but he felt like he was failing to protect her. However, when Merlin dropped a bowl in the hallway, Catrina called him an idiot and cuffed him round the head. Arthur saw red, he yelled at her to leave Merlin alone. When she smiled at him smugly he realised this was what she wanted, he could not win.

Eventually it all became too much for Merlin. This was his home and Catrina was spoiling everything. Everyone was upset and he couldn’t’ stand it, he had to do something. The next weekend that Uther was back he snuck into the dining room. He and Hunith were no longer allowed to eat dinner with the rest of the family as Catrina had pointed out that it was improper. He entered the room cautiously, hoping that his plan would work.

“Merlin what are you doing in here?” Uther asked him.

“I need to tell you something,” he replied.

“We’re having dinner Merlin,” Uther said calmly.

“Yeah but it’s really important,” Merlin said quietly.

“Are you going to let him interrupt our meal Uther?” Catrina said before Uther had a chance to respond.

“No, no of course not” he replied before turning back to Merlin, “Go away Merlin, you’re not supposed to be in here.”

Merlin held his ground.

“Yesterday I saw Catrina having sex with a man in the conservatory,” he informed them, keeping his voice even.

“Really Merlin?” Uther said angrily.

 Arthur got up and tried to pull Merlin out of the room, but he struggled free.

“Trust me, Arthur” he whispered.

Arthur looked at him, Merlin looked so sure of what he was doing that he had to trust him, so he sat back down, looking absolutely terrified. Morgana simply looked intrigued.

“And what proof of this do you have?” asked Uther coldly.

“None.”

Catrina laughed at this.

“Then why do expect me to believe these lies?” Uther asked, fury evident in his voice

“Merlin please leave” Arthur begged, not wanting Merlin to be on the receiving end of his father’s wrath.

Morgana watched him carefully wondering where he was going with this. Merlin shook his head and continued.

“Because I can’t lie” he stated calmly.

Uther hesitated at this. Arthur looked up now hopefully. Catrina was furious.

“You’re surely not going to believe him?” she screeched.

“No of course not.” Uther replied but he looked confused.

This was the opportunity Merlin had hoped for.

“Look at Arthur, you’re hurting him” he begged Uther, who shook his head, “Please Uther, he’s so upset.”

Uther looked at his son, truly looked at him for the first time since the holidays had begun, he was shocked to see how pale he had become, how he had dark shadows beneath his eyes.

“Arthur…” he whispered, horror creeping into his voice.

“This is nonsense, the boy is lying. I am not sleeping with Jonas,” Catrina interrupted.

Uther looked at her sharply.

 

“Jonas?” He demanded.

She blanched at this, realising her mistake.

“Merlin never mentioned a name. You’ve been lying to me. The children have been telling the truth. I nearly sent Arthur away because of you! You turned me against my own son! You gold digging whore, get out of my sight. NOW!” He yelled.

Catrina stood up but she made no move to leave, she turned to Uther.

“Are you really surprised? As if anyone could love you old man,” she spat. 

At this point Hunith entered the dining room, trying to find out what the commotion was about, she was shocked to find Merlin was in the room and moved toward him slowly.

Catrina turned to Merlin now.

“You ruined everything you stupid retarded boy!” she said raising her hand preparing to strike, he flinched away terrified.

Arthur, Morgana and Uther all moved to defend him, but Hunith got there first, she grabbed Catrina’s wrist.

“How dare you raise a hand to my son? How dare you call him names? You dare to try and come into this family, to tear it apart! Get away from my son you evil bitch!” She shouted.

Catrina pulled away from Hunith shocked at the usually timid woman’s rage.

She looked to Uther.

“Get out,” he repeated.

Catrina fled.

“Mother?” Merlin asked quietly, shocked at his mother’s outburst.

Hunith knelt down in front of Merlin.

“Oh Merlin darling I’m so sorry for shouting, are you ok? I didn’t scare you did I?” She whispered.

“That was cool mum, you told her right off! And you swore!” He said obviously impressed.

“Yes well I was very cross; I shan’t do it again,” she promised, stroking his hair gently

“Hunith would you and Merlin care to join us, there’s plenty of food left?” Uther asked, clearly trying to make amends for his recent behaviour, but his voice was sad.

“Of course Uther,” she replied gently, sitting Merlin down at the table, before taking the seat Catrina had vacated.

After that, things slowly went back to how they were before. Later that week, Uther apologised to each of them in turn for his behaviour. Hunith and Morgana forgave him easily enough, but Arthur struggled for a while because he had been through the most after all. Merlin refused to forgive Uther fully until Arthur had, even though he had never really felt particularly wronged by what had happened.

Eventually it took a large gesture on Uther’s part to fix his relationship with his son. It was Hunith’s suggestion that he give Arthur the photo album from before he was born. It had been locked away in Uther’s study for fifteen years. , That evening when he handed it over was the first time they had ever spoken properly about his mother, they talked long into the night and Arthur seeing clearly how Catrina had exploited his father’s loneliness could no longer stay mad at him.

 


	12. Arthur in Love

Arthur had meant what he’d said all those years ago, when Merlin had asked him who he liked. He loved Merlin and always had, but as he got older, he began to worry that what he felt was no longer appropriate. He was four years older than Merlin, and he had to constantly reminded himself that Merlin was autistic and would probably never love him back in the same way. It pained him to do so at first but Arthur repressed his feelings, unwilling to risk his friendship and hurt Merlin for what he believed were selfish reasons.

Therefore, when Arthur met Sophia in his final year of school he was delighted to feel attracted to someone he deemed much more suitable. She was a local girl who worked as a waitress at the tearooms in the village and she was always flirting with him when she bought him his coffee, Arthur soon developed a crush on her. One day after about a month of flirting over coffee Arthur mustered up the courage to go to the cafe alone and ask her to join him, she said yes immediately. They spent the whole afternoon chatting over coffee and scones and it turned out they had a lot in common. Soon Arthur was smitten.

~

Yo Merls, guess what? I’ve met a girl

Hey Arthur, I’m in French right now. What do you mean you’ve met a girl?

So what? You’ve met girls before.

 No Merlin, I mean I’ve got a girlfriend.

Oh. You know it would have been much

simpler if your first text had said that.

Yes I forget I have to make everything so literal

with you. Her name is Sophia.

Is she pretty?

Yup. She’s a waitress in the village.

Ah that makes sense.

What do you mean?

You obviously like her because

she brings you food.

Ha-ha very funny Merls, your

jokes are hilarious as usual.

The thing is none of my friends

like her.

Oh dear, sorry Arthur I just got

 told off by my teacher. Give me

twenty minutes and I’ll call you. Ok?

Ok talk to you in a bit.

As soon as his class finished Merlin found a quiet spot and called Arthur, who picked up after two rings.

“Hey Merls, how was French?” he asked sounding excited to hear from his friend.

“Il était bon, mais l'enseignant est si stricte que, il a menacé de confisquer mon telephone,” Merlin replied showing off his easy grasp of the new language.

Arthur laughed loudly, he’d learnt French years ago.

“Yeah well you shouldn’t have been texting in class then should you?” he teased.

“Ha-ha, it was your fault,” Merlin replied dryly.

“True,” Arthur agreed.

“So your friends? They don’t like your girlfriend?” Merlin asked.

“Yeah they really don’t like Sophia, they keep saying she’s a gold-digger,” Arthur informed him sadly.

“What like Catrina? But you’re not old” Merlin asked confused at the reference.

“Ha! That’s not quite how it works silly, she would be a gold-digger if she was dating me for my money,” he clarified.

“Oh okay. Is she? No wait like she was dating you for your gold, I get it!” he said proudly

Arthur laughed again.

“Well-done you. No she’s really nice, and she’s seems so genuine, I just cannot believe what they say. I’m bringing her home to meet you all this summer. I hope you’ll like her.”

“I’m sure I will,” Merlin reassured him.

~

Finally, Arthur finished school and returned home bringing Sophia home with him. He had chosen to defer his university entry for a year or two and instead was planning on going travelling with Sophia. Naturally, Uther was furious at how serious Arthur was getting with her so quickly. He took Arthur aside into his study to inform him as much, and things quickly escalated into an argument.

“If you wanted to go travelling Arthur, that’s not a problem, lots of young people do, but to do so at such short notice and simply because you met this floozy, well it’s simply unacceptable,” Uther said sternly.

“Floozy? Floozy? How dare you call her that, you are such a snob, turning your nose up at my girlfriend because she’s a waitress!” Arthur yelled

“This has nothing to do with her job Arthur, I don’t trust her, she came from nowhere and this is all happening  far too quickly,” Uther replied trying to stay calm.

“I’m in love” Arthur argued.

“Arthur you’re eighteen, you have no idea about love, and this woman, she has absolutely no background-”

“I know more about… wait… background? You’ve been checking up on her?” Arthur roared.

“Arthur calm down,” Uther said quietly.

“No! How dare you interfere like this! Sophia and I are in love. We shall be going travelling together, and then when we return it is likely we shall get married, and there is nothing you can do about it!” He snapped stormed out of the room.

Morgana was next in trying to warn Arthur about Sophia, but again it did not go well. She tried to reason with him but he simply would not listen, she had cornered him in the kitchen.

“Things going well with you and Sophia?” she asked him.

“Yes” he replied curtly.

“I don’t agree with Uther, you know, I don’t think Sophia is after your money,” she informed him.

Arthur looked suddenly hopeful.

“You don’t, well maybe you could inform my father-”

“You misunderstand me Arthur, while I don’t believe she’s after your money, she is definitely up to something,” she said.

“Oh piss off Morgana” he said making to leave

“Arthur your being ridiculous, it’s quite clear to me that Sophia has ulterior motives,” she insisted

But he didn’t let her finish, stalking out of the room, straight into Sophia’s waiting arms.

After this incident Arthur refused to speak to Uther or Morgana any more. He was polite but distant with Hunith because he could tell that she also disapproved of Sophia. However, he did not let anything change between him and Merlin, dividing his time as evenly as possible between Merlin and Sophia. Merlin did not have a problem with Sophia as she was perfectly nice to him. Merlin could not see that she was being false, no matter what Morgana said.

After a few weeks of pestering Uther managed persuade Merlin to talk to Arthur about Sophia, knowing it was probably their only chance to get through to Arthur. So that evening Merlin knocked on Arthur’s door, stepping back when Sophia opened it

“Everything ok, Merlin?” she said sweetly.

“Um I need to speak to Arthur, is he awake?” Merlin asked shyly.

“Indeed I am, something up?” Arthur asked stepping forward.

Merlin paused looking at Sophia.

“Ok c’mon,” Arthur said, “I’ll be back in a bit,” he informed Sophia.

Arthur and Merlin went to the old playroom, and sat down by the window.

 

“Arthur, Uther keeps asking me to talk to you about Sophia. Can we do it now? So that I can tell him we have and then he’ll stop asking,” Merlin explained.

“Merlin do you understand what is going on?” Arthur asked him.

“Um…”

“My father wants you to tell me to break up with Sophia,” Arthur told him.

“That’s not what he said,” Merlin argued.

“Well no, he forgot to be explicit I guess,” Arthur suggested.

“Hmmm… Arthur will you break up with Sophia?” Merlin asked.

“What? No!” Arthur was confused.

“Now I can tell Uther I asked and you said no,” he grinned.

Arthur smiled back weakly.

“Why do they hate her Merlin,” he asked.

“I dunno, are you really going travelling with her?” Merlin asked quietly.

“Yeah but only for a year,” Arthur replied.

“That’s ages,” Merlin whined.

“Don’t worry I’ll be back before you know it. And we’ll hang out all the time before I go, I promise.”

“Ok,” Merlin whispered sadly.

“What did my father ask you to say?” Arthur asked.

“Nothing really, I think he wanted me to find out what Sophia had planned for you,” Merlin answered.

“Typical, I don’t know what his problem is. Do you hate her?” Arthur asked.

Merlin shrugged.

“No, she seems nice, but a bit weird,” he said, thinking carefully.

“In what way is she weird?” Arthur asked curiously.

“I dunno, she looks at you funny,” Merlin responded.

Arthur laughed at this.

“Anything else?”

“Oh, well you know I don’t sleep much,” Merlin began.

“Mmm because you’re up all night on your bloody computer,” Arthur smiled.

“Well Sophia doesn’t sleep either and she does odd things at night,” Merlin informed him.

“Like what?” Arthur asked carefully, his voice becoming cold.

“Well, like yesterday she went into your father’s study at seventeen minutes passed four in the morning and she had a torch. She unlocked the door with a hairclip, I thought that was pretty weird,” Merlin told him.

“Stop it Merlin,” Arthur warned.

“What? You asked,” Merlin said, genuinely confused.

“You’re lying to me! I can’t believe it, you’re just like the rest of them!” Arthur shouted.

“But Arthur-”

Arthur had heard enough, he felt betrayed so he got up and stormed out of the room.

“But I can’t lie remember” Merlin whispered as the tears began to fall.

 Merlin was devastated, Arthur would not speak to him, would not listen to his pleas for forgiveness . This was the first time Arthur had ever been mad with him, and after a week of silent treatment Merlin started to give up. He stopped talking to the others and eventually stopped coming out of his room, refusing to move from the floor, where he sat staring at the walls.

Hunith was worried for her son’s health he wasn’t eating anything, she was scared he would have to go to hospital. Morgana was furious at the state Merlin was in, and she knew this was Arthur’s fault. She pounded on his door, and shoved passed Sophia when she opened it.

“Why are you being cruel to Merlin?” she demanded.

“He’s been telling lies about Sophia” Arthur said calmly.

“Telling lies... Sophia… for Christ’s sakes Arthur, He can’t lie you idiot, and even if he could, he wouldn’t, not to you. You’re actually going to trust this bitch?” she said gesturing at Sophia, “over your oldest friend”

“He-”

“No Arthur, have you even seen what you’ve done?” she asked her voice almost shrill.

 

Arthur shook his head confused, so she grabbed his arm and dragged him to Merlin’s room. When they got there, she pushed the door open gently. Arthur gasped in shock at what he saw, Merlin was sat in the middle of his floor staring at the wall, rocking back and forth, his eyes were glazed over and his mouth was hanging open slightly.

“Look what you’ve done,” Morgana accused.

Arthur crept forward, he felt sick.

“Merlin,” he whispered, reaching out.

But Merlin flinched and pulled away.

“Merlin please I’m sorry… I’m sorry,” Arthur begged.

“Oh leave the idiot alone, he’s just probably attention seeking Arty” Sophia said from the doorway

Arthur turned round and looked at her confused, as if he was seeing her for the first time. Sophia as if realising her mask had slipped tried to backtrack.

“I mean… he’s probably just upset that you’re not spending as much time with him… you know he’s jealous, he’ll get used to it eventually I’m sure,” she said, stumbling over her words.

Arthur just stared at her, finally he spoke.

“Have you been in my father’s study?” he asked.

“No don’t be silly” she said, but she looked afraid.

“Merlin told me he saw you go in there” he said looking over at his friend, regret written all over his face.

“Well he’s lying. You stupid boy, telling lies about me because you’re jealous. How dare you?” she snapped glaring at Merlin.

Merlin ignored her, he ignored all of them.

“Don’t you ignore me you stupid boy, spreading lies about me!” she screeched.

“Stop that, stop yelling at him.” Arthur shouted back “don’t call him stupid! Why were you in my father’s study?” he asked her slowly.

“So now you believe him over me?” she snapped.

“Well Morgana was right Merlin can’t lie. But even if he could I think I would have to believe him. I’ll ask you again, what were you doing in my father’s study?” Arthur repeated angrily.

Before she could answer Uther entered the room, just as Merlin seemed to wake from his trance.

“Why are you all in my room?” he asked slowly, still a little dazed.

“Trying to find out what Sophia is up to” Morgana answered.

“Ok?” he said confused.

“She was looking for information on the business” Uther informed them “It appears I was mistaken, Morgana you were correct. She is not in this for money. Sophia’s father is the head of Tír-Mòr  industries, one of our biggest rivals. This has all been subterfuge I’m afraid,” he informed his son regretfully.

Arthur sighed and ran his hand through his hair sitting down on Merlin’s bed. He watched as Sophia was escorted from the room, by one of his father’s employees. Uther tuned to speak to him, but Morgana intervened, shaking her head and leading him out of the room. Merlin approached him cautiously.

“I’m sorry I upset you Arthur,” he whispered.

Arthur stared at him shaking his head.

“You’re sorry… Jesus Christ Merlin, don’t you dare apologise to me, you did absolutely nothing wrong. I was wrong not you, I’m so sorry I yelled at you, I’m so sorry,” Arthur begged.

“That’s ok, I forgive you” Merlin said desperate for things to go back to normal

“No it’s not ok, it’s not ok at all” Arthur said standing up, he walked out of the room and out of the house.

Merlin watched him leave, hurt and upset, but he refused to sink back into his pit of despair, hoping that now Sophia was gone Arthur would come back to him.

~

Arthur returned in the early hours of the morning, after drinking himself silly. He headed straight to Merlin’s room to apologise again. He knocked on the door and stumbled in before waiting for a reply

“Merrrrlin” he slurred.

Merlin slowly turned away from his computer.

“Arthur are you drunk?” he asked curiously.

“A little,” he replied stumbling toward Merlin.

He made it as far as the bed, where he sat down heavily.

“I’m so sorry Merlin for everything, please will you forgive me,” Arthur begged.

Merlin closed the laptop and joined him on the bed.

“Of course I forgive you. It wasn’t your fault, Sophia tricked you,” Merlin said calmly.

Arthur sighed.

“How could I have been so stupid, I thought she loved me,” he began to cry.

“Please don’t cry Arthur,” Merlin pleaded.

Merlin hated seeing Arthur like this, so he very cautiously put his arm around Arthur pulling him close. Arthur fell into his embrace at once.

“I treated you like shit though,” he mumbled against Merlin’s skin, “I called you a liar.”

“It doesn’t matter, I’m not cross,” Merlin tried to soothe him.

Arthur tightened his arms around Merlin.

“You’re hugging me properly,” Arthur realised.

“Yeah” Merlin whispered.

Arthur pulled back slightly to look at Merlin’s face. He wondered just when Merlin had become so trusting and comfortable around him, even after the way he had treated him. It made his head spin. Arthur blamed the copious amounts of alcohol in his blood for what he did next. Leaning forward he pressed his lips against Merlin’s. Merlin released him at once pulling away from him.

“Arthur?” he asked, confused.

“Shit Merlin, I’m sorry. I’m drunk I didn’t mean to. Shit” he stammered, swaying as he stood up.

He stumbled out of the room

“Arthur… wait” Merlin called after him, touching his fingers to his lips

Arthur ran to his room and locked himself in. He began to pace. Shit. shit, shit. What had he done? He’d fucked everything up now. Making a pass at Merlin, was he insane?

Since puberty Arthurs feelings of protection for Merlin had slowly developed into something else. Arthur was disgusted at himself, Merlin was a child and he could never return Arthur’s feelings in the same way. It just was not in his nature. Arthur had quashed his feelings, because being friends with Merlin was more important, he would never risk that. Now he had buggered up big time, Merlin had hugged him and he had taken advantage.

~

After that night Arthur avoided Merlin completely. He spent a lot of his time away from the house visiting his school friends. Merlin tried his best to make Arthur speak to him when he was there, but Arthur refused. When summer began to draw to an end Arthur informed his father that he would still be going travelling before he started university. His father seemed to think it was a good idea.

“Yes I believe it will give you a good sense of independence before you resume your studies,” Uther informed him.

“I’m glad you agree father,” Arthur said feeling relieved.

“But if I might ask, has something happened between you and Merlin?”

“No father everything is fine,” he insisted.

Uther dropped the matter; he knew not to push this so soon after the Sophia incident.

~

A week before Arthur was due to leave for South America, Morgana knocked on his door. He let her in warily and she sat on his bed watching him pack up his things

“Why are you leaving Arthur? And don’t try and tell me you’re trying to get over Sophia, it’s got nothing to do with her,” she asked.

“Leave it Morgs, please,” he begged.

“No. What is going on with you and Merlin? He’s desperate to talk to you but you’re ignoring him, he’s so sad Arthur” she said quietly.

“I tried to kiss him” he whispered, hanging his head

“What?” she was shocked

“I got drunk and I tried to kiss him, I fucked everything up” he moaned, putting his head in his hands.

“I’m sorry? You’re running halfway across the world because of a drunken kiss?” she asked him incredulously.

“No I’m running halfway across the world because I’m in love with Merlin and he can never love me back in the same way, but he’s stupid enough to try, and if I stay any longer I’ll end up taking advantage of him because I’m selfish. I have to leave Morgana, I have to leave before I  hurt him. If I can just get some space for a while I think maybe I’d be able to come back and be ok with being friends,” he reasoned.

 

“You should talk to Merlin Arthur, I think you’re underestimating him,” she replied.

“Morgana he’s fourteen! Even if he wasn’t autistic it’s still wrong on so many levels, I’m leaving and you can’t stop me,” he said determinedly.

She sighed knowing she couldn’t win and left him to pack.

~

The night before Arthur left, Merlin went into his room, he did not knock he just walked straight in. He climbed up onto the bed where Arthur was sleeping and gently shook him awake.

“Merlin,” Arthur said groggily.

“Arthur don’t go, please don’t go, if you stay you can kiss and hug me all you want I promise,” he begged.

Arthur sat up.

“Don’t you see that’s why I have to leave Merlin, because you’d give me anything, but I can’t take it, I’m not good enough… you don’t understand what your promising” he said, taking Merlin’s hand gently

“I do-”

“No you don’t, you can’t,” Arthur released Merlin.

“Arthur-”

“No Merlin, I’m leaving, you cannot change my mind. Please leave, I need to sleep,” he said evenly.

Merlin refused to budge, just stared at Arthur.

“Leave Merlin,” Arthur ordered, his voice cold it was the only way.

Merlin got up and walked out of the room, tears streaming down his face. Arthur watched him go his heart breaking.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> French Translation:
> 
> Il était bon, mais l'enseignant est si stricte que, il a menacé de confisquer mon téléphone = It was good, but the teacher is so strict that he threatened to confiscate my phone


	13. Merlin all Alone

Naturally, Merlin was absolutely devastated at Arthur’s departure. He managed to convince himself that he had ruined everything and that Arthur hated him. He locked himself in his room and refused to speak to anyone spending his days absorbed in complex puzzles on his laptop but at night when everyone was sleeping, he would sneak downstairs to eat.

There were still a few weeks before school started and Hunith had begun to worry that she wouldn’t be able to get him to go. She begged him to come out through the door, but got no response. Morgana tried to convince him to leave his room and come out and talk to her. She shouted through the heavy wood that she knew what had happened and that it was not his fault. Merlin responded by putting on loud music, so that he could no longer hear them.

One night at about two am, Uther found himself waiting quietly outside Merlin’s door. He knew that the boy had been coming out to eat in the early hours of the morning and had decided to do something about Merlin’s current state. After about twenty minutes of patient waiting, the door opened slowly and Merlin crept out.

“Going somewhere?” he asked as Merlin began to head down the corridor.

Merlin stopped in his tracks and then turned around slowly.

“Um I’m hungry” he responded quietly.

“Yes I figured you would be after holing up in your room all day, let’s go get something to eat,” Uther suggested cheerfully.

Merlin hesitated, he knew that this was likely to be some sort of trick, but his hunger won out so he followed Uther to the kitchen. Uther sat down at the table and watched as Merlin made himself a cheese sandwich, when it was ready Merlin put it on a plate and made to leave.

“Oh no I don’t think so, you will eat it here Merlin, I wish to speak with you,” Uther told him.

Merlin sighed heavily then sat down opposite him, he began to eat slowly watching Uther carefully.

“Now Merlin whatever is the matter? Arthur has just gone travelling, he shall be back in a couple of years. There is no need to overreact like this,” Uther reasoned.

“It’s my fault he left” Merlin whispered finally speaking his fears aloud.

Uther looked surprised at this.

 “Why would you say that?” he asked.

“Because it’s true,” Merlin said simply.

“Alright Merlin why don’t you tell me what happened?” he asked leaning forward, scanning Merlin’s face.

Merlin hesitated but then decided to tell Uther the truth. It had eating away at him for days and he needed to tell someone.

“After the whole Sophia thing Arthur went out and got terribly drunk,” he began.

“Ah yes he can be a little overdramatic, that son of mine” Uther replied smiling.

“Anyway when he came back, he came into my room. He was still so upset over what happened, I think he really did love Sophia, and he just looked wretched. So um, I gave him a hug, you know, to cheer him up” he explained.

“You hugged Arthur?” Uther asked.

“Yeah and it was fine, it didn’t even hurt really, even when Arthur hugged back, it never really does anymore. But then…” he stopped, his cheeks flushing a little.

“Then?” Uther pressed.

“Arthur kissed me,” he answered hanging his head.

“I see,” Uther said calmly, “then what happened?”

“I panicked and pulled away, I couldn’t help it really. Then Arthur got up and left, and he refused to speak to me again. I asked him not to go, I told him I would kiss him but he still left. I didn’t mean to react like that, he took me by surprise and he tasted of alcohol. Now he hates me,” Merlin wailed.

“Arthur doesn’t hate you Merlin, and it is quite clear to me what is going through his head. Arthur is eighteen years old, you are only fourteen, and you are extremely trusting of him Merlin. Arthur is terribly noble, sometimes too much for his own good. He feels that by kissing you he has taken advantage of your trust,” Uther informed him.

“But-”

“I imagine he left because he was under the impression that he had upset you by kissing you,” Uther said gently.

“But it didn’t, not really,” Merlin responded.

“Yes that much is clear to me but Arthur tends to be a little blind about these things. He still shouldn’t have done it though, you are too young. I think it would be best if we leave Arthur to his travels, he is planning to stay away for a couple of years. When he comes back you’ll be older and then you can discuss things properly like adults,” Uther reasoned.

“What if he finds someone else?” Merlin worried.

“He won’t Merlin it’s always been you, for a long time now. It’s the reason I was suspicious of how serious things had gotten with Sophia, Arthurs world has revolved around you for a very long time,” he said softly.

“You don’t mind?” Merlin asked.

“Of course not, you’re good for Arthur anyone can see that, I want my son to be happy Merlin, like I was with Ygraine, and I believe you’re the only one who can make that so,” he said his eyes shining a little, at the thought of his wife.

“I can’t wait two years,” Merlin stated.

“Yes you can, you need to focus on your schoolwork, you’ll have your GCSE’s soon. I know you have other friends,  you need to spend more time with them, invite them here in the holidays if your lonely, and you’ve still got Morgana, she’s very worried about you,” he told him.

“Ok,”  replied Merlin sounding unconvinced

“Trust me Merlin, Arthur will be back before you know it. To be honest I doubt he will be able to stay away for two whole years. Anyway I have something I want to show you, will you come with me?” Uther said rising from his seat.

Merlin stood up slowly and the two made their way across the house to one of the older wings. Merlin had never been up here before, these were Arthur’s mother’s rooms so they were closed off. Uther produced a large key and unlocked the heavy wooden door. They entered a dusty corridor, Merlin followed Uther to another door, which creaked loudly as he pushed it open.

“Oh,” he gasped as he entered the large room.

It was a music room, large and spacious and filled with moonlight form the large windows, it was truly beautiful. Uther flicked on the lights and the room was filled with a gently glow. To one side of the room, by the window stood an exquisite black grand piano.

“I grew up in this house Merlin and this piano used to be in the ballroom. When Ygraine first came to visit she fell in love with it and asked to have it moved up here so that she could compose in the sunlight,” Uther explained.

“It’s beautiful,” Merlin breathed stroking the wood fervently.

“It’s yours now,” Uther informed him.

“What?” Merlin was shocked.

“Whenever things get too much, or you find yourself missing Arthur, you can come up here, lock yourself away and play, rather than holing yourself up in your room. I hear you’re quite the talented pianist Merlin, but I’ve never heard you play. Will you play me something?” Uther asked hopefully.

“Ok,” he said warily.

“You can read music?”

“Yes,” Merlin said nodding.

Uther went over to a small, elegant desk and pulled out some papers, he handed them over to Merlin.

“Ygraine composed these. After she died I hired a musician to play them for me but it never sounded the same, so I closed this place away, it was too sad without her,” he informed Merlin.

“I don’t think I can it justice” Merlin whispered.

“It doesn’t matter, I just want to hear it again,” Uther said sadly.

So Merlin took the sheets, he read through the music, imagining the notes, it was beautiful. He sat down and began to play. The melody was fast and glorious, there were tones of anticipation and hope, it was the tune of someone falling in love. Merlin played and played absorbed in the music.

Eventually the piece finished and he looked back to Uther. The man who always seemed so fierce and strong, had tears in his eyes, he looked frail. Merlin went to sit beside him and offered his hand, Uther wiped his eyes then took it gladly.

“She composed that piece while we were still dating, you played it beautifully,” he whispered.

“It was beautifully written,” Merlin told him.

“I miss her so much even now, I guess I always will. Thank goodness, I have your mother, she’s kept me sane all these years.” Uther said quietly, “She saved my life truly, when Iggy died I was so lost, I didn’t know what to do with Arthur, I couldn’t cope. Hunith was there. She refused to let me blame myself, she’s a fantastic woman your mother.”

“Do you love her?” Merlin asked before he could stop himself.

Uther raised his eyebrows.

“I do, but not in the way you think, there are many different ways of loving someone, your love for Arthur is fierce, burning and romantic. I love Hunith as my dearest friend,” he told him.

Merlin understood this.

“But you seem so lonely,” he said.

“I know and I do get terribly sad sometimes, and your mother always cheers me up. But I could never love anyone like I love Ygraine,” Uther replied.

“Sometimes I worry that when we all leave my mum will be all alone, she’s spent her life taking care of us, but I think as long as she still has you to care for she’ll be ok,” Merlin told him.

Uther chuckled.

“You’re a very perceptive young man Merlin, has anyone ever told you?” he asked warmly.

 “I have been told before yes,” he said smiling.

Merlin went back to the piano and played some more of Ygraine’s compositions until Uther fell asleep on the dusty settee, he roused the older man and sent him to bed before retiring himself. He sighed as he got into bed, he still felt sad but it was no longer crushing him, he knew that he could wait and that when Arthur did return they would sort everything out. He spent the last few days of the summer holidays in the music room letting Ygraine’s beautiful music wash over him; Morgana sometimes joined him as she also enjoyed playing.

The first time she ventured into the music room, he apologised for worrying her, but she waved it off informing him that she understood why he behaved that way, and that it was not his fault if Arthur was a prat sometimes. By the time school came around, he felt much more hopeful. He knew he would be ok, he would wait for Arthur and when he came back, they would be fine. They had to be because they were Arthur and Merlin.


	14. A Traveller Returns

Arthur shifted his large rucksack onto his other shoulder as he walked up the large drive toward the house. When he had gotten off the train there had been no taxis waiting and he had decide to walk as the weather was pleasant. As he turned the corner the grand house came into view and Arthur smiled to himself, he’d enjoyed his travels, but he was glad to be back.  He walked round the house to the kitchen entrance, pushed the door open slowly and entered the kitchen to find Hunith bending in front of the stove. He carefully lowered his heavy bag to the floor.

“Hello Hunith,” he said quietly, not wanting to startle her.

Hunith stood up with a start, turning round to face him.

“Arthur?” she said shocked, “but you’re not supposed to be back for another month.”

“Yeah I know but I’ve been feeling a little homesick, I thought I’d come back and spend the summer here” he explained.

“Oh my! That’s wonderful news!” she bustled over and pulled him into a hug, “sit down, sit down and I’ll make you something to eat.”

“That’s not necessary, really I ate on the train,” he said trying to protest but she was already pulling a pie out of the fridge.

“Nonsense! You look half-starved dear, I’m clearly going to have to fatten you up again before you go off to Uni,” she said warmly.

Arthur smiled back and sat down at the table. After he had eaten his fill, he helped Hunith clear away the plates.

“Now Arthur you do look tired, I got your room ready while you were eating would you like to retire?” she asked him.

“Actually Hunith, I’m not tired I was… um wondering if… um well if…” he trailed off.

Hunith smiled.

“Merlin is upstairs in the music room, he’s been in there all morning,” she informed him.

“But will he want to see me?” he asked nervously.

“Oh yes dear, he’s missed you terribly go and see him,” she insisted.

“The music room?” He asked.

“Yes your mother’s music room,” she said offering Arthur no further explanation.

“Well then, I’ll just go inform him I’ve returned” Arthur said.

He stood quickly and hurried out of the room Hunith laughed as she watched him go. Arthur practically ran upstairs to the music room, he was a little confused that Merlin was in here as no one had been in this part of the house for years. He pushed the door open quietly and there was Merlin sitting at the grand piano, bathed in the sunlight streaming in from the large windows. Arthur stared at him. The small, thin little boy he’d left behind looked so different now. He was taller now, probably taller than Arthur and while he was still a little on the skinny side there was a new strength to him. Arthur realised sadly that his friend had grown up whilst he had been away.

Arthur did not recognise what Merlin was playing but he could tell that it was both beautiful and sad. He closed his eyes and leant against the door, letting the notes wash over him. Slowly the music began to pick up tempo, losing its sad theme becoming almost joyous. Arthur opened his eyes and looked at Merlin, he hadn’t moved, but something was different about his posture. Arthur realised that Merlin knew he was there, so he walked quietly to the piano stool and sat down beside him. Merlin did not look up but kept playing and Arthur could almost feel that he was trying to say saying you’re back and I missed you with the music.

“I missed you too Merlin,” Arthur whispered.

Merlin smiled and ended with a jaunty melody and when his fingers stilled he turned to face Arthur, his eyes roving over his face, taking in any changes. Arthur stayed as still as he could so as not to distract him, when he was satisfied he spoke up.

“You’re back early,” Merlin said finally.

“Yeah” Arthur paused for a while “I couldn’t bear being away any longer,” he finished quietly.

Merlin nodded.

“Tell me of all your adventures then,” he demanded.

So Arthur did, he told Merlin how he taught English to children in South America. How he had built schools and wells in Africa. How he lost Gwaine in Thailand, and how he felt he had truly ‘found himself ’ in the Australian outback. Merlin burst into raucous laughter at this.

“Found yourself,” he said through the laughter, “how pretentious are you? That is such a ‘gap yah’ thing to say.”

“’Gap Yah’?” Arthur asked confused.

“Yeah, a gap year for posh people,” Merlin informed him prodding him in the chest, still laughing.

“Hmm, I suppose that’s something Will came up with,” Arthur replied pretending to be cross.

“Nah there are loads of videos online of this posh idiot talking about his ‘gap yah’, honest that’s how he says it. Will linked me the videos though, after I told him where you’d gone,” Merlin explained.

“Whatever,” Arthur rolled his eyes “and anyway I’ve been gone more than a year so-”

“You’ve been gone one year, eleven months, two weeks and a day” Merlin informed him quietly.

“Ha, you got it down to hours and minutes as well?” Arthur joked.

Merlin looked at his watch, obviously calculating.

“Three hours and,” he paused, “forty-seven minutes.”

Arthur was quiet for a bit, watching Merlin carefully.

“So how was your year, eleven months, two weeks, one day, three hours and forty-seven minutes without me?” Arthur asked.

Merlin shrugged.

“Oh no, you’re not getting out of it, tell me everything that happened while I was gone,” Arthur ordered.

Merlin told Arthur that after he had left, he had locked himself away in his room. That he had refused to come out and speak to anyone. How this had gone on for a week before Uther had told him to stop moping and snap out of it. He told Arthur how his father had brought him up here to Ygraine’s music room, unlocking the door and telling him that he was allowed to play her piano. He stroked the keys fondly at this.

“I made him promise to look after you,” Arthur whispered.

“He did Arthur I think it helps him too, he comes in here to listen to me play. At first, it made him sad but now he smiles. He’ll be so happy you’re back, he missed you almost as much as I did.” Merlin told him.

“So this piano was my mother’s?” Arthur asked.

“Yeah, it’s beautiful isn’t it?” Merlin replied.

“I’m sorry I left you Merlin,” Arthur said, his voice filled with regret.

“I know and while I still think it was stupid to leave instead of just talking to me, I think I can see why you did it,” he said wisely.

Arthur just stared at his friend, where was the little boy who needed him? He truly had grown up Arthur realised and if he looked back, it had been happening long before he left. He had just been too blind to see it, he sighed knowing that he had almost ruined everything by leaving.

“You really don’t need me protecting you anymore do you?” He said sadly.

“I don’t need you to protect me from yourself Arthur and I know that’s what you’ve been doing” Merlin told him looking at Arthur.

“I can’t do this yet,” Arthur whispered looking away.

“Arthur-”

“Please Merlin just give me some time, I came back expecting you to be angry with me. You’re being so understanding, it’s just hard to believe you want what I want,” he said.

He stroked the piano but Merlin pulled Arthur’s hands away from the keys,

“It’s ok we have time now your back, just listen,” he whispered and he began to play.

The melody was beautiful, full of joy, wonder and anticipation. Merlin played and played completely absorbed and when he finished he turned to Arthur.

“We’ll be fine Arthur it’s you and me, we’ll be great,” he promised.

Arthur nodded and took his hand gently.

“Yeah, we will won’t we? That was beautiful by the way what was it?” He asked.

“Your mother composed it while she was pregnant with you,” Uther said from the door.

He’d been watching them for a little while smiling to himself.

“Father!” Arthur cried running up to him.

“Welcome back Arthur,” Uther said holding out his hand, but Arthur was having none of it so he pulled his father into a hug.

When he finally released him Uther’s eyes were shining, he gestured for them to sit down, they did and Merlin continued playing quietly.

“Tell me about your travels Arthur,” Uther said to his son.

“Yeah Arthur, tell him how you ‘found yourself’” Merlin teased from the piano.

Arthur lobbed a cushion at Merlin and then turned back to his father, telling him all about his trip.

~

A few weeks later Arthur and Merlin were sat in the garden, Merlin was under a tree so he didn’t get burnt. Arthur was laid out beside him. They had fallen back into their easy friendship quickly enough although they had not discussed what had happened before Arthur had left. Arthur had seemed reluctant to bring the topic up, he was ashamed of his behaviour and Merlin did not want to push it.

Things were a little different now though. The small personal space Arthur had always given Merlin had all but vanished now. Arthur was also constantly touching him, stroking his hair, holding his hand, always tentatively as if he expected Merlin to pull away. Merlin never did, holding out on the hope that once Arthur was ready the touches would become kisses

That afternoon Merlin was engrossed in a book on Applied Mathematics, but he could almost feel that Arthur was watching him.

“What are you thinking about?” Merlin said eventually, glancing at him

“Huh” Arthur responded, snapping out of his reverie.

“I can practically hear you thinking, just wondering what about,” Merlin enquired.

“Oh, well I was just thinking about Oxford. It won’t be the same as my ‘Gap Yah’ though, I’ll be much closer. I’ll visit all the time,” he promised.

“Yeah it’ll be just like when we’re at school I suppose,” Merlin agreed.

“I suppose” he replied closing his eyes

He shifted laying his head in Merlin’s lap as he dozed off, Merlin lowered his hand and began to run his fingers through Arthur’s hair, his book forgotten. They stayed like that until Hunith called them in for dinner.

~

In the end August went by in a flash, and before Arthur knew it he was packing up his things for university. He was leaving the next day and was kicking himself for leaving everything to the last minute. Merlin was not helping just sitting on Arthur’s bed watching him struggling to close the suitcase.

“Yes isn’t hilarious Merlin?” Arthur asked crossly.

“A little” Merlin replied laughing.

“You could help,” Arthur huffed.

“Doubt even my organisational skills could help this,” Merlin retorted gesturing at the bulging suitcase.

Arthur finally got the suitcase closed and sighed with relief. He looked around the room, it seemed oddly bare without all his posters and photographs. He flopped down on the bed beside Merlin, who stroked his fringe away from his forehead.

“That’s that then,” Arthur said.

“Hmm,” Merlin responded.

“You can just admit you’ll miss me you know,” Arthur said grinning and prodding Merlin.

“I will miss you, I always miss you Arthur, whether we’re apart for days, months or years,” he said quietly.

Arthur sat up and looked Merlin straight in the eye, Merlin looked right back at him refusing to  glance away for a second, this is it he thought hopefully.

“You know, I think I might just be in love with you Merlin,” Arthur said, his voice quiet and serious but also betraying the fear of rejection.

Merlin looked away now, clearly thinking of how to respond appropriately, Arthur waited patiently for Merlin to speak.

“Gaius always used to say that as I got older I would struggle with this kind of thing you know because I handle my emotions differently. Other people always presume that I can’t have a normal relationship because I can be a little closed off sometimes,” he whispered, “They think that I can’t feel things normally which actually may be true, I don’t know how other people feel things. And honestly I think my emotions are probably more intense, especially if I’m upset.”

Arthur nodded at this point.

“You though, Arthur, you make me better, you make me feel normal. I love you so much it hurts, it’s so intense, like sensory overload times a thousand,” he said holding his hand over his heart “I can honestly feel it here. Arthur I think I’ve been in love with you for twelve years, six months, two weeks and three days, since then it’s been you and only you,” he said softly.

Arthur processed this quickly, he may not have been a walking, talking calendar, but he knew the significance of that date.

“The day you first spoke to me?” he asked.

“The day you told my mother that I was perfect exactly how I was,” Merlin grinned, “I knew even then, that that was it, I loved this overprotective idiot.”

“You heard me say that?” Arthur asked.

“You were pretty loud,” Merlin responded quietly.

Arthur just smiled, and then held out his hand toward Merlin’s face carefully, Merlin didn’t pull away, just stayed very still. He cupped Merlin’s chin and turned his face toward his. He looked into his eyes, looking for any signs of hesitation or reluctance. When he saw none he leant forward and placed his lips on Merlin’s gently. Merlin took him by surprise though, surging forward and deepening the kiss. Arthur gasped in shock and Merlin took advantage of his open mouth, kissing back him enthusiastically. Eventually they had to stop to breathe.

“Crikey Merlin,” Arthur gasped panting heavily.

“Do you remember when I told you years ago, how people touching me made my skin crawl?” He asked.

Arthur nodded his heart sinking a little.

“Well these days it’s not that bad really. But with you Arthur it never felt like that, touching you, it makes my skin tingle it always has and its good. It used to scare me at first it was just as overwhelming and it still is but in a nice way, because you’re special Arthur,” he explained as best as he could.

Arthur could barely think.

“So the kiss was good,” he croaked, “Um… it was tingly good?”

“That kiss was like … electricity,” Merlin breathed.

And then he moved forward pouncing on Arthur, pinning him to the bed and kissing him fervently. After a while though Merlin became overwhelmed by all the new sensations and had to pull away. He lay down beside Arthur breathlessly.

“Well that was different,” Arthur chuckled stroking Merlin’s face gently.

“Mmm,” Merlin hummed still coming down from the overload, breathing heavily.

“You ok?” Arthur asked him concerned.

“Yeah just a bit much I think, I’ve never… um… touched like that before,” he whispered opening his eyes and looking carefully at Arthur.

Arthur smiled at him.

“Don’t worry Merlin-bird,” Arthur said softly.

Merlin smiled fondly at his old nickname.

 “We’ll go as slow as you want, “Arthur promised.

“It’ll probably have to be pretty slow” Merlin replied cautiously.

Arthur just pulled him close nuzzling his hair, neither of them said anything for a while, just comfortable lying in each other’s arms. In the end, Arthur broke the silence.

“I don’t want to go anymore,” he moaned hopelessly.

Merlin laughed, entwining his fingers with Arthur’s.

“Arthur it’s an hour’s drive away, and I bet you’ll be back every weekend for food and washing,” he said.

“And you Merlin, always you. My heart is yours,” Arthur replied sincerely.

At this Merlin slid his hand under Arthur’s shirt, and placed it over his heart.

“Mine,” he whispered, settling over Arthur, closing his eyes and drifting off to sleep.

~

The morning came too soon and Arthur had to leave. His father was driving him to Oxford and together they were  putting all the bags in the car. Finally it was done, Arthur went up to Hunith and hugged her tightly, she kissed his cheeks.

“I’ll be back again soon,” he promised.

“I know Arthur, don’t worry,” she said letting him go a little reluctantly.

Arthur turned to Merlin, and completely forgetting their audience kissed him fiercely, tangling his finger’s in Merlin’s hair. When he finally pulled back, he lent his forehead against Merlin’s and gripped his hands.

“Those people you were talking about last night” he whispered, “They’re idiots, you Merlin are more capable of love than anyone I know.”

He kissed him again more gently this time. Finally he wrenched himself away but Merlin pulled him back.

“Enjoy yourself Arthur, have fun and study hard. Don’t mope about missing me though, that would be lame,”

Arthur laughed loudly.

“I’ll be here when you get back,” Merlin insisted.

“Promise?”

“I promise Arthur,” he replied solemnly, “I’m yours.”

Arthur turned away finally remembering his audience. He looked at Hunith worriedly but she just smiled at him he could not help feeling relieved. He looked at his father questioningly, but the man just rolled his eyes and laughed.

“Don’t think you’ve surprised us Arthur, we’ve been expecting this for years,” he informed his son.

“Yeah I bet you and Hunith discuss it all the time, while you’re in your study pretending to work,” Arthur retorted but Uther just laughed harder.

Arthur turned round for one last wave before getting in the car, and then they were gone.

Hunith hesitantly put her arm around her son but he did not flinch, all he felt when she touched him these days was warmth. He smiled and leaned into her.

“You’ll be ok Merlin,” she soothed.

“Yeah, I will,” he replied.

And he knew it was true, he’d never felt more okay in his life, for he was Merlin and he had Arthur.


End file.
